kelsie.m

How to bring yourself out of a funk

2011-09-27T18:19:00.001-05:00

Actually, this won't be helpful to many.... it's not a true how-to, but it's a true story

I had a job. A part-time job at Uhual. In the beginning it was nice to have a job. Something to do. And an income. Somewhere along the way it became a burden. The heaviest of weights laying on my shoulders. Bringing me down. Suffocating me. Stealing my spirit away from me. If I worked, it ruined my day. If I had the day off, thinking about working the next day would ruin my day off. I had this dense pit in my stomach every time I thought about going to work. This just wouldn't do. But I needed to money. And I should be happy to have a job when so many out there don't. So, day after day I talked myself into not quitting. And I didn't quit... but I constantly asked my friends and family if I could. However, I never asked God. And this pit got denser and denser until one night. I cried myself to sleep just thinking about going to work. I felt a calmness when I imagined telling my friends I'd quit. And a nudge from God that it might be ok to quit. And then I fell asleep. I woke the next morning, dreading going to work. I opened up spotify and was just wasting time looking at friends' playlists and ended up listening to the song "When your mind's made up." And then I went to work. And it was horrible. And I finally realized that it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the pain and deadness. So I quit. I quit and I drove to Michigan to surprise my family at our annual campout. :)

best. decision. ever.

I'm 10x happier and it lasts. I started a different job (part time paraprofessional at a middle school). And i love it. When I think about going to work the next day, I smile :) It makes me tired working with those kids for 3.25 hours/day. But it makes me happy. Also. I have my weekends back. Which means I can go to church regularly again. And maybe now I won't cry every church service :) But if I do, that's ok too.

Never ever underrate the value of your own happiness.
because, in this life, it's all that matters after God

happiness to you all,
kelsie

Maybe I'm not a City Girl

2011-08-29T16:40:00.003-05:00

ugh. my hands are sweating! all the way to my fingertip and it's leaving residue on my keyboard! weird.

on the bright side, I ate some chocolate that has espresso beans in it (it was delicious, Adam) and applied to 5 jobs today... career builder makes it pretty darn easy. I finally actually signed up with them and made a general resume for jobs. so... the resumes weren't tailored to each job (I'm getting tired of doing that!) and I didn't write any cover letters... but at least it's something. of the 5 jobs I applied for today... the one I really want is the school bus driver job :) like I'll get that one... considering I don't have a CDL... but they said they'd train... yeah... like they want a 23-year-old driving their buses... we shall see.

on the not-so-bright side, I spent the first 3 hours of my day finishing a book (Water for Elephants which was amazing!!) and the next 5.5 hours I sat... i could barely make myself move for food (I managed a pbj sandwich and some ice cream). And then I found myself in my bed for probably an hour feeling lower than I have in months and I came to this realization... maybe I'm not a city girl. I love the city. I think it's sooo beautiful... but maybe I wasn't cut out of the city dough...

Maybe I'm cut out for the quiet country life... for years I've said I should have been raised on a farm... why I didn't take that into stronger consideration when I was leaving KS, I don't know... but maybe I belong on a farm... honestly, farm work sounds simply delicious right now.

like the plum I'm eating.

I like coming home and feeling exhausted... like I really worked

what I don't like is coming home to a ruined day and feeling completely inadequate... because that's what my job does these days.

I feel like... everything I love should have been pointing me toward the country... camping, manual labor, open starry skies, wheat fields... except I love the city as well.

I just have no idea anymore.

ps now I'm going to apply to be a juvenile probation officer (they have training available)

pps... later... or not. because you have to have a degree in criminal justice. that's disappointing... maybe in the future, but I'm tired of school right now.

My South Suburban Life

2011-08-24T19:53:00.003-05:00

Yes. It's been a while, but I'm feeling particularly thoughtful lately, so I thought I'd write (plus this means I can avoid certain things I should be doing instead).

I live in a church. One big classroom in a church with a mini fridge. All to myself... and a mouse. But the Kitchen is downstairs and the oven sucks. I cook mostly with my crockpot. And the shower... it's in the men's restroom downstairs.

Sometimes there are people here during the day and sometimes I'm alone.

As ideal as some people might think... this is not ideal... not even close. I want a house. or an apartment. I'd even take a roommate, so long as I could call the kitchen my own and leave my showering stuff in the bathroom. But first I need full-time work.

Enough of my woes.

For the first 2 months out here, I applied for job after job after job. I watched a lot of tv on netflix and movies. And sat around a lot. Here's the thing... there's not a ton to do out here and there's even less for me because it takes a ton more initiative to do things by myself. At the end of July I finally got a couple interviews and offered a part-time position at Uhaul. Woohoo. It's a job. And right now that's all that matters... and I think I could enjoy it if we were more trucks and less storage... the storage part is boring and I like the trucks. Needless to say however, I'm ready for something else already.

So I'm still applying for jobs. Really hoping for full-time work... something that pays enough for me to move into an apartment (with a roommate, but an apartment).

The church here is incredible. Full of wonderful people and ... I just feel at peace at church on Sunday mornings.

Some days

2010-11-21T18:54:00.002-06:00

Some days I'm tired... beyond tired. So tired that I've slept for 11 hours the night before, 8.5 the night before that and could continue to sleep all day. So tired that the only reason I eat is because someone else offers me food; otherwise I'm too tired to care about the hunger. So tired, but not sleepy, that I can lay on the couch for an hour without any thoughts going through my head. So tired I can't fight the temptation to revert to bad habits.

I will probably continue days like these until Christmas eve when I'm on the train ride home. Once work slows down again and I'm not doing something extra every weekend, like roofing and cpr/first aid training... or friends visiting... or frisbee tournaments... or working extra hours because there's so much to do.

Some days it's 7pm and all I want to do is lay in my bed and stare at the wall... until I fall asleep.

On a slightly happier note, I'm incredibly thankful for my family at home as well as all of the families I've become a part of here in Kansas. They're all such a blessing to me, I don't know how I'd make it though life without them. Thanks.

Hope you're all well and healthy.
love.

Important life learnings... and changes

2010-10-16T20:32:00.002-05:00

from the oh-so-useful-and-enjoyable personal finance class:
-live within your means
-have a contingency plan
... and when you aren't able to do that, what do you do?

a) decrease payments or
b) increase income

my answer: B
solution: find a second job
where: Bethany Support Services
what: provide supports for persons with developmental disabilities. I've taken on two overnight 3rd shifts each week, friday and saturday from 9pm-6am. basically, I'll be getting paid to sleep, read or do my own work and take care of not-likely-to-happen emergencies
when: fridays and saturday, 9pm-6am. first shift: tonight... in 20 minutes
how: it's been a crazy week, that's for sure. I've been thinking I need to find a second job to make payments on everything (school loans, car loan, insurances... have $$ for food and a little bit of entertainment). The side stuff wasn't providing enough extra income (about $100 each month, if that). I was thinking I'd need to waitress (wouldn't be bad, but wasn't really excited about it so I never got around to applying). Then I was talking with a "coworker" tuesday and realized that I really missed my time at MDC Goldenrod (In Goshen, post-high school job/senior year mentorship). I have a friend, Brittany, who works at BSS in town so I asked that night, if she thought they needed anyone of evenings or whatever. She said she'd ask the next day and let me know and bring home an application. Wednesday I got a text saying it was easier if I just come in, fill out the app and have an interview... so I did... except I only filled out the application and then left because they were too busy. That afternoon I did an interview with the client/consumer. Thursday I did 45 minutes of training at lunchtime. Friday after babysitting I did 4 more hours of training. Today I did an hour of job shadowing (completely pointless if you ask me) and tonight is my first overnight shift.
I'm excited, and not at the same time... I know there will be weekend when I wish I could be home hanging out and doing the impromptu kinds of things that happen like movies and shakes or crisp at caley's, or pumpkin carving at my house... etc. but for the most part... I don't really do a whole lot on weekends anyway so it's not a big deal. as long as I have ample time, I can get off if I need to. I'm excited to be working as a caregiver/supports-provider and both of the guys remind me of guys from the pleasant place gang back at MDC. :) I kind of wish I could do more evening stuff (they go to bed within 30 minutes of me getting there)... things like meal-planning and grocery shopping... I think I would enjoy that with these two, but oh well. perhaps in the future I'll work with them more. But for now, this is good. We can get comfortable and I can be not-stressed because, like I said, I'm basically getting paid to sleep.

I still think it's crazy how it all just kind of happened... but I guess that's just how God is... crazy... and awesome.

On another note... today was the Walton Rural Life Festival (3rd annual). I finally went for Frame Makers and myself. took pictures of the old cars (80 cars at the car show!) and took in about $100 in photo orders. Now I just have to fix the few up, print them off and call the people that they belong to... then when they come to pick them up, convince them to get a frame as well. I have business cards and I must say they are pretty spiffy :) Ask me for one and you can have it :) I'm working on getting a facebook page set up for my photography stuff... but it's slow going... I'm pretty busy :) at least I feel busy.

Also, I've been working with the 4th-6th graders and my church and it's going really well. I love all of them and we have a good time... even if they don't care about what I'm saying... at that age... well... I don't remember anything my sunday school teachers said, except I thought they were cool, good people :)

Well, now I have 10 minutes to get to my new job. It takes less than 5 minutes to get there... and I've consistently been getting there waaay too early... so I will wait for a couple minutes. Brittany works in the office and makes sure all the different time sheets and documentation correspond... she told me if I mess up I'll get a talking to/beat down at home :) I hope I don't mess up!

Love to you all. Maybe one day I'll post a few pictures.

Things are getting settled in

2010-06-27T14:15:00.002-05:00

I know it's been... forever. since I last posted. What can I say: graduation, art show, finals week, move out, move in, work full time... I've been busy.

Plus... I've been reading and that takes lots of time away from... everything :) I love reading and I'm glad I finally can again now that I have no school to think about... granted... I should start painting again soon.

I just finished reading the book The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. It was very encouraging and hope-making, but sad at the same time. I long for community and always have. I feel like I'm continually getting closer to it, but I don't think it will happen until the people I'm in community with are as passionate for it as I am.

And comfort. Is not what we were meant for. I'm so uncomfortably comfortable, but I don't know what to do about it right now. I committed to a year at Frame Makers... and until then, I don't know what I'll do. Dean and Elaine hope that I'll enjoy my year so much that I stay and take over the whole thing. I can't do that. If I did that, my life would die. I don't want to be the provider of luxury art, only to be afforded by the middle class and wealthier. I don't want to see people spending their money on luxury. I hate that the city is going to spend $900 on two framed prints... not even from local artists.

I want to bring art and beauty to places that can't afford custom framing. Places that the darkness is trying to take over, where people aren't comfortable. But beyond that, my only hope is to be a light for Christ to some small part of the world. But the people of the world of custom framing are interested in beauty and comfort for themselves. They live surrounded by people that are the same as they are and don't see the need for beauty throughout the world. Or if they do, they aren't doing anything about it. I've chosen a path that will only lead me to emptiness and I need to change directions soon, before I become consumed by comfort and money. I fear I will lose sight of my passions in the next year.

And this is random, but, as a Christian, I wish the government would remove 'in god we trust' from our money. It's a lie. We don't trust in God, we trust in ourselves and praise ourselves as though we were God.

That's all. I'm done thinking for now. I'm going to clean my room.

Life's an Adventure...

2010-05-12T14:29:00.000-05:00

http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=493

This website is awesome! and I've been going crazy posting them all over facebook :)

Supergirls: Tales of Life, Love and Captain Nebraska

2010-04-23T21:39:00.000-05:00

a one-woman show by Amanda Petefish-Schrag

"so go ahead:

love

lose

and break...

because in the end

that's what saves us"

New

2010-02-25T22:29:00.000-06:00

New art post if you're interested... there are some pictures there

Here's a photo for you:

I Should be Painting...

2010-02-23T21:17:00.000-06:00

But I'm tired, and my answer has been requested

I can't even remember what I told you last time.

Here's my decision making process. On Thursday (the 11th) I received an offer from my boss to take the managerial position at the frame shop, because the new guy that I was training decided he wasn't comfortable taking over. I was pretty much set in the idea that I was going to be in Markham come July so my personal response shocked me. After work I dropped everything (minus the small amount of homework that was due the next day) and all I could think about was this option. I talked with my friends about it and I talked with my mom about it. I had no idea what to do.

I called my mom on Friday and talked with her for a while. I cried to her on the phone and kept her from her quilt guild retreat for a while. She had a lot of good things so say (as parents usually do) and I felt a bit better after that.

During that conversation, I started thinking about leaving my friends and how hard that would be. All 4 of my closest friends (the ones that've been there since the first year) will be staying around here and living together. All I could realize was that it would be just like college junior year and middle school all over again. Don't get me wrong, I loved middle school (yes, I know I'm one of the few that can say that), but I left my church youth group and while I was gone they developed really strong relationships with each other. When I came back in 9th grade, it took me 2.5 to 3 years to get close to the same level of relationship as the rest of them. Junior year I was separated from my 4 and I felt incredibly disconnected from them all year. Things happen in a roommate (suite-mate) situation that are random and don't include the person down the hall. This year has been such an incredible change for the better, that I can't imagine going back to being separated from them while they're all together. But I knew that wasn't a good enough reason to change my plans.

All of Saturday I struggled with the option. I have no idea what else I did besides think about it. Oh well, I did a couple things, but pretty much had it on my mind the whole day and continued trying to talk with my friends about it. On Friday night I was trimming a Maya's hair and, of course, trying to get her input. Being the incredible person that she is, she had some good advice and we ended up deciding to fast on Sunday while spending meal time in prayer.

Sunday rolled around and we fasted. I never really got super hungry. I drank a lot of juice to keep blood sugar levels steady and give me some nutrient, but I also ate a lot the night before so that probably helped. But, that's not the point. We spent an hour or more in prayer and discussion at each meal. We went to church at Alexanderwohl in Goessel because Open Road (Bethel Men's group) was singing there and they're basically amazing. The sermon was good and talked about doing God's will. We went into the day wanting answers, though not really expecting any. Sunday afternoon I cleaned my room and talked with my dad on the phone some. Along with some good input, he encouraged me to call Cyneatha, the pastor up in Markham, so I did after I was done on the phone with him.

At this point I was still convinced I would be in Markham by the end of the summer. I called Cyneatha and she said she'd call me back after her visitors left, which ended up being 8:30 (? it's long enough ago that I forget the time). I was pretty nervous for the conversation because I had no clue what I would say or what she would say. But, what she ended up saying was apparently not what I was expecting. The conversation took 8.5 minutes which was shocking! I was expecting a very long conversation. Basically I laid out the situation. She paused and said "if you have a job, then stay there! that's important in this economy" wow, was I surprised! like I said, I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. She told me to call her anytime I had questions about anything. She told me that I could visit anytime, just to call her and let her know I was coming. She'd have a place for me to stay and friends if I wanted to bring them along. She'd show me (or us) around the markham and chicago area and show me the church and neighborhood. She said I could start looking for jobs in the area and use the church's or her address as a mailing address so that my application wouldn't get trashed right off the bat when they saw that I'd have to relocate. It was amazing.

So, there's my answer. I'm going to live in Newton for another year with my friends and continue framing while also learning to do all the bookkeeping stuff (not terribly exciting, but it kind of is at the same time). The first thing I'm going to try to do is get a new shirt or two (work polos with our logo) because right now mine are bright orange with small holes and stains all over them (from the work)... I'd like a grey one or 3 :) Then! I want to hire someone from Saturdays so that I no longer have to work them! :) Yes, I already have ideas and I like it. I'm quite excited.

So, despite our expectations, we got an answer on Sunday. On Thursday I told my boss that I'd be staying another year and he and his wife are quite excited as is his daughter-in-law :) It should be an interesting year.

In other news, I'm going to get new glasses sometime this semester before I lose my vision insurance :) Also, spent a wonderful weekend in South Dakota at camp. It was glorious to see all those lovely people, some of who I haven't seen in a year! Camp is such a wonderful and refreshing place. I am always happier there :) Also, we do fun things like pull a sled behind the gator on the frozen lake with 3 people on the sled (and 5 or 6 on the gator), get soaking wet and severely bruised, call it trash duty so the campers don't know about it and love every minute of it. :)

And now I really have to get back into the grind to finish up 3 or 4 paintings by spring break... yikes! Then on to Texas!!!!!! :)

do you want a picture? sure you do. but I don't know which one to put on and I just realized that my external (with all my pics) on it is not attached. By now you know how lazy I am, so I'm sorry to tease you like that, but I'll try to here sometime this week.

love and hugs

When you can't sleep...

2010-02-13T02:53:00.000-06:00

blog about it?

I don't think I've faced a tougher decision in my life before.

Possibly the cancellation of the wedding, but this feels bigger and more difficult.

And I'm quite stuck about it.

I therefore, can't sleep.

So I'm awake at 3 am...

no, I'm not writing this as some sort of poetry... I'm just writing my thoughts as they come and tonight they're tangled, so you're getting the bits I can unravel.

My mind has been consumed by this decision. What to do next year. And I feel like I have to decide... now.

Is the Newton opportunity a gift or a test? Do I stay a year, or do I go?

Like I said in my journal: I just want an answer.

Numana

2010-02-12T14:34:00.000-06:00

220,750... that's the number of meals Bethel college student, faculty, staff and Newton community members packaged in 8 hours on Wednesday. They will be in Haiti on Tuesday. It was/is amazing. At noon the choir came and sang a couple songs for us which was awesome. Due to an underwhelming turnout at WSU the weekend before (140,000 meals in 12 hours) our goal was reduced to 150,000, so at 3:15 (because Bethel just cares more ;) )we ran out of rice. We could have made the original goal. As it is though, the Numana staff was very impressed and well... I just love my little college

moving on... I don't want to leave Bethel. I especially don't want to leave my friends here at Bethel. And I have an opportunity to stay. And I'm quite torn between the two options: to stay or to go? Markham is an open invitation for whenever the time comes. Is there a reason I've hesitated this long?

Mom's are wonderful people.

God can use anyone to speak

2010-02-05T20:34:00.001-06:00

Even a starving five-year-old girl. While on a service trip in Nicaragua, El Dorado pastor Rick McNary was asked by a small girl to be picked up. He picked her up and held her and she hugged him and said "feed me, I'm starving"...

This morning during convocation the founder of Numana spoke about the miracle that he has been a part of. Numana brings community volunteer together at a mobile packaging "party" where they pack meals to be shipped to Haiti. They had their first box ready to be sent (waiting on the dock) to schools in Haiti (the original plan was to supply food for school children) when the earthquake hit in January. They flew the crate in and parachuted boxes from it to Haiti. Their goal this year was to provide 1 million meals. So far they have provided 10 million and by next week will exceed 15 million (if I'm remembering correctly). It is simply amazing how God uses people to provide for others.

That song is one I've been listening to recently that just seems to fit perfectly with this morning's convocation as well as my own desires... Follow Him into the World

Hmm...

2010-02-04T00:05:00.000-06:00

I had something I was going to say, but I forgot it (of course... thanks Dad, for the genetically awesome memory) ;) love you

Probably was something about how I'm in the process of updating my art blog in case you're curious (it's not very interesting, trust me)... BUT! I'm doing it waaaay sooner than I predicted in the previous post... of course, if I update it in a week it will definitely be much more interesting to look at

Also, I know the sign language symbol for the word "interesting"

Tonight I made hummus. it's delicious. eat it with pita or broccoli. yum (I also did some homework, no worries)

I'm not feeling very chatty,

2010-02-02T22:51:00.000-06:00

but I need to do something semi-productive...

So, I commence with an update:

The biggest news being that I finally own my own camera. And it's awesome! Nikon D90 with a 18-200 VR AF lens (that vibration reduction (image stabilizer for you Canon folk) and autofocus). One of these days I'll hopefully get a flash for it (pop-up/built-in flash sucks and I hate it).

Second biggest news: I start my final semester of classes at Bethel College tomorrow. yikes. I'm really excited for this semester, but currently not ready for it. It's not even 10:30 and I'm trying to make myself not go to bed. I'm super tired and I'm not even sure why! I got plenty of sleep. I guess it was just a really long day that should have ended sooner. Plus, I probably haven't given myself enough quality me-time. Plus, there's been a lot on my mind. Plus, I should start exercising again... I'm pretty sure that would help increase my energy.

Other news: there isn't anything huge. Interterm was stressful, so I'm glad it's over. I was super busy, but I really enjoyed the material, as well as working for 5(ish) hours every afternoon. And that is because, well, I love my job. I'm going to miss it a ton, that's for sure!

Breaking news: yay for modmates. I needed a visit from someone who just wanted to talk about random stuff to cheer me up a bit. And I got 2 :) Now I might have enough energy to take a shower. I love my modmates, it's just hard to handle all of them at once after being secluded with just 2 other people for a month. I'll just try to ease myself into hanging out with the whole group :)

Well, I suppose that's a good enough update for now. By the time I finish showering and getting ready for bed it will be a decent time to sleep :)

Also, I will finally have an art update, hopefully by the end of next week :)

love to you all.

?

2010-01-24T23:35:00.002-06:00

WHY in all the world do we EVEN have nuclear weapons?! seriously? who's stupid idea was it to allow the gov't to get ahold of that invention? stupid stupid stupid. (it's a bad month, in case you can't tell)

I don't write good poetry but it still helps

2010-01-24T21:29:00.000-06:00

stuck
numb
broken
he is
what do I say
what can I possibly say

i know
i understand
been there before
you'll be okay
i don't have my life together
how can i possibly help

falling past bottom
just keeps going
can't stop
he can't
you have to grab something
even if it burns you

it might burn
it might hurt
but it will hurt more to keep falling
it will still hurt once you're up
but you'll be up
you must

I think I figured it out. I was where he is. I felt like I was falling further and further into a dark void, away from everyone I loved. I fell so far that I couldn't reach my friends. But he was there, a guy was far enough down that I could grab onto him and I did because it was the only thing. And I held on for dear life. For a year, I held on until I had climbed far enough up to reach my friends. I held on for a year to the only thing I could find, even though it hurt me and caused me so much anger and frustration and pain... I held on because it's all I had. And then I let go. And I've continue to climb into my friends and into myself. In to Christ and into my calling. That's what he did for me. That was the purpose of it. I've figured it out and now I understand. Hopefully I can embrace that and finally move past the hurt and pain I caused myself by grabbing onto the one thing I could but that would hurt me.

whatever. just a revelation I had in talking to a friend about the pain he's experiencing right now.

Bucket List update

2010-01-19T23:00:00.002-06:00

be fluent in German

Bucket List

2010-01-18T23:12:00.000-06:00

Read biographies of important historical figures like Abe Lincoln and MLK Jr.
Read books on family systems and family communication
Be a light to the world
Rock climb... a lot :)
Visit Grand Tetons National Park
Go backpacking somewhere

Perhaps this will help

2010-01-18T23:02:00.002-06:00

Still don't understand my almost-decision to go to Markham? Let me allow Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to tell you why:

"I choose to identify with the underprivileged. I choose to identify with the poor. I choose to give my life for the hungry. I choose to give my life for those who have been left out of the sunlight of opportunity. I choose to live for those who find themselves seeing life as a long and desolate corridor with no exit sign. This is the way I'm going. If it means suffering a little bit, I'm going that way. If it means sacrificing, I'm going that way. If it means dying for them, I'm going that way, because I heard a voice saying, `Do something for others.'" -MLK Jr.

MLK Jr. Day

2010-01-18T09:30:00.000-06:00

That's today! which means I don't have classes!! :) but more importantly, it's a very big day for my little school in nowhere-Kansas :) 50 years ago Dr. MLK Jr. gave at speech at my school. Someone randomly recorded it and the recording was recently rediscovered and restored. Today the tape (put on a CD after it was restored) will be played for the first time at one. We even got NPR coverage :) here's the link

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122612938

Go Bethel :)

In other news, I'm really just writing this because I'm supposed to be writing a 10-ish page paper :) surprised? didn't think you would be.

oh wow. I totally forgot I was working on this because I got on facebook... worst part is... I'm not sure what I was just doing on .... oh yeah... fb stalking... oops. have a good day!!!!

I know...

2010-01-15T04:51:00.000-06:00

I realize that it's super late and I should go to bed and, actually, I really really want to go to bed... but this is on my mind, I'm doing homework, and I have to get it out there. and yes, that means now. (I do some of my best thinking late at night)... probably because my brain is so tired it can really only focus on one thing at a time... huh never thought about that.

I want to stay in Newton. That's really all there is to it. That's what I want. I want to help with the new, exciting, possible transitions with the frame shop. I want to keep framing. I want to be close to my best friends; the network that keeps me going. I want to stay in the community that I'm finally comfortable being myself in (it's taken 3.5 years to figure out who that is and be comfortable acting that person out). I don't feel the need to hide here any more. I'm ridiculous. I love being ridiculous. So I do. And people see it. And I don't care.

But. The more I try to convince myself that it's ok to stick around Newton for a while longer, the more I realize that I can't. It's time for something new for me. I am appreciated and wanted here, but I am not needed and that's ok. I'm perfectly fine with that. I really am. I know that I'm love here and appreciated (and I've been told I do a darn good job at framing), and that's why I want to stay. But there are others that need my job and others that my job needs. I know that I can find a job elsewhere and I have a place to live elsewhere (elsewhere=Markham) (or at least, I will as soon as I call and say I'm coming). To stay here would not only mean to ignore the call of God, but it would be to ignore the chance to help someone who needs me in order to stay in a place for my own benefit where I'm loved and wanted but not needed. It's time for a new, big adventure.

I know...

I'll try and write more about the exciting possible changes with my beloved frame shop later... but that's not as pressing as this was and now my homework, again, is :)

love.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T18:17:00.000-06:00

I have made no resolutions except to exercise in January :)
No one seems to be able to keep New Year's resolutions anyway so why try? It's silly, really :)

SNOW! it's snowing! a lot! and I like it! a lot!!!!!!!!! (just as long as we can leave Sunday morning anyway)

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it's 2010! And all the unknowns this year holds... eek!

Since you think so

2009-12-31T12:10:00.000-06:00

For all you wonderful people out there that really think you care,

I have started a second blog... silly? perhaps. This blog is about my life. The new blog is about my artwork: painting and photography. Since you all think you need to see my completely pieces of art work, and I always tell you I'll put it online (and never do)... this is for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

artbykelsiem.blogspot.com

enjoy.

Continued meditation through music

2009-12-30T13:23:00.002-06:00

I am, of course, still thinking about my decision. Some people think that it's lame to post songs and say "this is how I feel." Sometimes it is, but music is a gift. As I explained to a good friend of mine: I'm not always very good at articulating how I feel and really appreciate receiving the gift of words from others or from music. I've also realized that music is one of the most prominent ways through which God speaks to me. First, an excerpt from my Credo (a 12 page paper I wrote on my beliefs for class this semester), taken out of the section titled "Spirit, Holy"

Sometimes the Holy Spirit speaks to us through music.¹

1Music has been a meaningful means through which the Holy Spirit has tried to direct me. It has been hard for me to understand the meaning of a song (usually one I am drawn to and listen to over and over again) when I am drawn to it. In hindsight, however, I always realize the significance of a song to my life at the time and that, had I been paying more attention to it, I would have made the necessary changes earlier. The biggest example is the song 'Jerry' by Sonya Kitchell, about a woman who marries a man that loves her very much though she dreams of being “another man's wife,” and then eventually leaves him. I always noticed when this song played even though (I thought) I was completely in love with my boyfriend. I continued to be drawn to the song throughout my first two years of college. After the break-up, I realized that I should have paid closer attention to how the song was speaking to my own desires. Since then I try to decipher what a song I'm interested in might mean.

(ok, that was cool! I totally didn't think it would do the footnote thing, but it did) (also, for your information, that was footnote number 29 in my paper) :)

back to the point (if I can remember it): the point being, that music is one way that God speaks to me and here's a song that just came on my music player:

O'Child by Nevertheless (I'll bold the most important lines so you don't have to read all of it if you don't want)

I want to come closer, but you are so distant.
Lately your thoughts are so far.
I want to show you all that you're missing,
and I'll meet you right where you are.

O' Love, I've always known you, and,
O' Love, you've always been mine.
O' Love, I'm only asking you for your life.

Say that you need me. I know what you're feeling.
You cannot do this alone. I gave you my Word,
and I gave you my life so that you'll never be on your own.

O' Love, I've always known you, and,
O' Love, you've always been mine.
O' Love, I'm only asking you for your life.

You're waiting for this life to be what you want.
(Is this what you wanted?)
You're waiting for this life to be what you need.
(Is this what you needed?)
You're waiting for this life…

O' Love, I've always known you, and,
O' Love, you've always been mine.
O' Child, I'm only asking you for your life.

Remember the title of my last post: Am I prepared to give my life for the world?

That's all God wants: my life.

Am I prepared to give my life for the world?

2009-12-27T21:00:00.000-06:00

I did... a lot of thinking today. Mostly this morning. This is the question that I am currently facing in my life:

Am I prepared to give my life for the world?

and at the same time... will I ever be prepared and does it even matter if I'm prepared?

I probably should write this in my room and not the living room at home because... I will cry.

Church was amazing this morning. I cried. a lot. I only get to go to my home church 3 or 4 times a year and they are always wonderful times. It is my home. It's where I grew up. The people there raised me and love me. I feel so deeply surrounded by God's love when I am at my home church that all I can do is cry and reflect on it. The community there is amazing. It's something I can only hope all people will one day find. We share and we take turns. We take turns helping those in need and being helped because we are the ones in need. I know... that my life is rich beyond measure because I will never be alone; if everything falls out from beneath me... I won't be alone: I will have people to carry me and hold me and give me a push in the right direction. This is what my church is. This is who my friends are. This. is why I'm scared.

I know that wherever I go, I can always come back. But to go somewhere that has no visible community. No one that I can depend on and trust. A place where it's almost required of me to not trust. To go there, where I can fall and no one will pick me up. Is the scariest thing. Ever. I've never been that alone. I thought that when I went to Bethel, that I would be that alone, but God knew I wasn't ready for that yet. He sent me to a place with one of the strongest communities possible and he sent a few people that I knew and a few more that I would get to know quickly. I'm sure I'll find those people wherever I go... but to go where I know absolutely no one... is something I've never done before. It is scary and it is exhilarating.

This week (my first week of Christmas break) I've had the blessing to be surrounded by my family... the most secure community I have: they will always be there and I have no doubt that, whatever I do and wherever I go, they will. always. be there. And it's so amazing. This beautiful family that I have. They worry for me. They pray for me. They really only want me to be safe and happy.

I have 2 options for next year:
1) I can stay in Newton and work part-time at the frame shop and live with my friends.
pros: I'm with my friends, I'm doing something I really enjoy, I'm safe, I'm happy
cons: I'm 14 hours away from home, I have to find other jobs, I'm living a mediocre life with the possibility of getting stuck in it.
or
2) I can move to Markham, IL (south side of chicago)
pros: I'm living the call of God, my life is full of ambiguity and insecurity, I'm 1.5 hours away from home
cons: I'm unsafe, I have no community (to start with), I'm the minority, I'm scared

This week, that family who loves me and prays for me and worries for me. made it all the more clear. I was given the crime rates as well as some other discouraging information about Markham: one of the few places I have truly felt called to by God. Here (click here) is the link to the crime rate statistics for Markham. On the down side, rape, burglary, robbery and assault are all very real realities. On the up side, the murder rate is pretty low ;) (all things considered, I might go through hell, but I won't die... just to lighten things up again for a brief moment). These statistics are frightening. They scare me. They discourage me. They make the call all the more real. Good people are needed here. I can't ignore a place that needs to see the face of God because I might get hurt. That's selfish. Think about Jonah, he tried to ignore the call of God because he was scared... did it work? no. it didn't. But it doesn't mean I'm any less scared. I'm scared of the thought of being hurt. I'm scared to show the love of God when all I might get back is pain. I have to go and that's really all there is to it. The call was made real to me once and it was exciting. It's been made even more real to me now, and it's scary.

I have no idea what I'm going to face. I know there's a church that needs me. They asked me. God is working and She needs me. He asked me. I can't say no.

Now that it's in writing... it's even more real. I just have to contact the right people and figure out when, exactly, I'll be leaving my loves with all their love, to enter a place where love hides in the cracks, behind the shadows where hate creeps around and makes itself known.

To answer my own question(s):

I don't know if I'm prepared to give my life to the world, I don't know if I ever will be.
I don't think it matters if I'm prepared or not.

God gives me the strength to live out Her call, wherever that may be.

I send my love to you all.

as soon as I find the courage to publish this...

blogg.

2009-12-10T22:14:00.002-06:00

yes. that's right. I'm using this blog merely to procrastinate... since I'm pretty sure all my readers have deserted me because I fail at blogging... ohhhh well.

Semester highlights:

yeah... nevermind. can't think

ummm...

well shoot. I can't think of anything to say!

here's my to-do list:
1 painting which is over half done
1 diptych painting (2 paintings that go together... they basically count as one) which is not half done
1 8-10 page paper about my beliefs
study for philosophy final (but not real hard)
study for art history final (a little harder)
a LOT of frames :)

today I ordered text books for January term and spring semester :) all to procrastinate.

someone might buy the frame shop... what does this mean for next year? who knows... but it'll be an adventure

there's an option in Illinois also which is still open...

well... apparently my thoughts are very incoherent... maybe that's why I can't focus on homework either...

I dyed my hair this week: dark brown... I'll do it once more next week to get the color more permanent and a little darker :)

tomorrow is Gala... perhaps I'll post a picture later :)

hugs and sorry this post sucked.

OH! here's a highlight: first paid photography thing... 3 things actually:
1 engagement session (done)
2 weddings this summer! EEK!

here's a photo of the engagement session... I'll put more on flickr.com also

this is probably my favorite, though the shadow on her face makes it a not amazing photograph...

maybe this wasn't the best choice for here... but I'm too lazy to upload a new one

I'll do their wedding in the middle of August

... or 3

Discipleship

2009-11-08T21:07:00.003-06:00

The old life is left behind, and completely surrendered. The disciple is dragged out of his relative security into a life of absolute insecurity (that is, in truth, into the absolute security and safety of the fellowship of Jesus), from a life which is observable and calculable (it is, in fact, quite incalculable) into a life where everything is unobservable and fortuitous (that is, into one which is necessary and calculable), out of the realm of finite (which is in truth infinite) into the realm of infinite possibilities (which is the one liberating reality).

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Cost of Discipleship)

I would reflect more, but I have a paper to write. This is the quote I'm dwelling on in the paper at the moment, and I wanted to share it with you all.

A picture for you, dear reader

2009-10-23T14:55:00.004-05:00

Cosmopolitan
*note: if you look closely under the lime you can see a very distorted face :)

I suppose I better get one in October before it's over

2009-10-23T14:44:00.003-05:00

I know this song is technically about a break up. But I definitely can apply it to life right now. The end, in my situation, being graduation rather than a break up. I also know that it's lame to put song lyrics up on your blog and be all "OMG THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN FOR ME!!!!!!!!!" well, it wasn't. I like the song and I've been listening to it a lot. I'm really quite confused about what comes next. There are a lot of options. I know what I want, but I'm not sure if it's the same as God's plan and so I'm really very confused and unsure and scared.

the end is such a scary place to start
everything is torn apart
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end, there's no reason to pretend
i know you won't be back again
i gotta find a way from here..

i don't know where i'll fall down
but i'm sure to hit the ground..

cause it's not over till it's over
every ending's a new beginning
one more chance to get it right
one more chance to get it wrong
its not over till it's over
sometime's nowhere leads to somewhere
and it all starts again
in the end

and it's such a scary place to be
everything is in between
and i don't know where to go from here
in the end i see it's all up to me
to figure out where i should be
im gonna find a way from here

i dont know where i'll fall down
but im sure to hit the ground...

chorus...

The End by Jason Reeves

What I want is to live in Newton, in a house, with my friends. Just for a year or a year and a half... but I have an MDS application filled out that I could send it. Maybe I should just do MDS for the summer... I really have no idea. I know it's only October and I don't graduate until May... but it is time to start thinking about it... considering people have been asking "what's next?" for 2 years or more now.... :/

To live life creatively is a beautiful thing

2009-09-15T12:18:00.001-05:00

that's all. :)

But here's a quote from Aristotle's Unmoved Mover:

". . . The world is not such that one thing has nothing to do with another, but they are connected."

As much as I distaste reading Aristotle, this is one quote that I love. It is my reason for desiring to live a simple, holistic life.

hug

Here's an Adventure for You

2009-09-13T14:53:00.002-05:00

Running out of gas.

on the way to church.

Awesome.

It was dumb. It was my dumb fault. But it's a reminder of how wonderful people are. We got someone to leave church and pick us up (we were 2.5 miles away from the church). After church I was talking with my friend's dad for a bit and mentioned it and he offered to go to Walton and get me 5 gallons of gas and put it in my car. It was wonderful. I tried to send my debit card with him, but he wouldn't take it. Dad's are wonderful people :) whether they are your's or a friend's. And then my car worked and life was automatically better :) My dad is also wonderful, but being in Indiana, there wasn't much he could do for me except give me ideas of people to call.

hugs

We Have Found It

2009-09-12T15:19:00.002-05:00

The Stress.

It's here now.

We all knew it wouldn't be too much longer.

This weekend we have visitors which takes up time.

Next week I have 4 papers due, a 10 minute presentation about my grant and 10 pages of aristotle to read... ugh. AND I really need to get started on my next paintings(s).

Yay! It's not eating me emotionally yet though, so that's good.

A Nice Day Trip and Lots of Pictures for You

2009-09-11T17:02:00.007-05:00

Yesterday I got the afternoon off of work so that Brittany and I could drive to Henderson and York, Nebraska. That's right. I voluntarily put my final destination in Nebraska. And I hate Nebraska :) Though, it's starting to grow on me.

B and I really super excited :)

Once we got there we met Chilee in York and she followed us to Adam's house in Henderson. By the time we got there it was about 4:30ish. We just spend the time hanging out. Got a tour of the house and then just chatted :) It was wonderful.

While on the house tour Adam disclosed that he has a LOT of coats... and we found them :) so B and I "snuck" off with a coat each (the coolest ones) to take some pictures in front of the wall in the basement covered in carpet remnants. VERY cool! :D Here's one of them:
Then it was 6 and we decided to go to York for supper (back up for a minute: I was making a calendar for our mod this summer and putting the soccer games on it and I saw that one was at York College. I know that Adam goes to York College and so I told B that we could go. So we did. And we told Chilee she should meet us there (from Brookings, SD). So she did.) So we walk out the door and Chilee realizes that she locked her keys in her car: awesome! So, first, we spent 30 minutes trying to unlock it with a coat hanger and screwdriver.

B and I being not-helpful while Adam and Chilee worked.

It failed. So we called a guy in Henderson and then waited another 30 minutes until he got there and unlocked it in 30 seconds.

While we waited we went on a tour around the outside. With some swing-time, hammock-time and mosquito-time. :) And we took some pictures of all of us:
Then we got Runza to-go. Nebraska-only fast-food chain that does bierocks (not the correct spelling). They weren't bad, but homemade are definitely better :) Because everything homemade is always better :)

Chilee left after Runza because she had to pick up a friend at the Omaha airport. Then it was off to the soccer game... just in time for the 2nd half. oops :) but they won!! and that was super awesome :)

We went back to Adam's house for a bit and had homemade bread, warmed up with butter and honey (that comes from a place 5 minutes away from him house!). We also had raspberries from his garden and warm milk and honey :)

Then it was the not-so-long drive back :) It was a lovely trip.

This morning I woke up at 10 til 7 and went on a 3 minutes, 7.5 mile bike ride. It was amazing. I rode 15 minutes West on 24th and when I turned around there was the sun: a beautiful orange ball in the foggy morning sky :) And I got to watch it go up and turn yellow and then white during the 15 minutes back :) It was a glorious ride! :)

hugs

New Haircut!

2009-09-09T00:14:00.003-05:00

just a photo so you all can see :)
the hairstylist, who I loved!!!, thinks she cut about a foot off the back of my head! whoa!

it's a fairly low-quality photo because I took it from my friend's facebook :)
also, in case you can't tell: it's shorter in the back than in the front.
I love it.

Selling a Car parts 3, 4, 5 and 6

2009-09-08T16:28:00.006-05:00

Selling a Car Part 3:

After your car has sat in the same lot for a week, move it to another lot. Like one in Walton that your boss owns. Preferably one that is right on the highway so people can see it clearly. Like highway 50.

Continue to field many calls about the car and meet people for test drives. Or meet them so that they can watch the engine run and ask questions.

Selling a Car Part 4:

During the next week, while it's at the new lot, receive multiple offers that are way inadequate (ie. $300 and $500) and tell them you'll call them back if you don't get a better offer.

Answer phone calls with weird questions like what size of engine it is. Call your dad and ask him. Wait for him to call back after he calls the mechanic and asks him. Call the person back and tell them the engine size.

Get a super excited customer that really wants the car and got her bank to approve it already to offer $800. But only tentatively until she can see the car, which isn't until Tuesday. While at work on Saturday, take more calls and set a time to meet with someone else after work.

Selling a Car Part 5:

Meet someone at 5 to look at the car. Get them to like the car enough that they ask what our bottom dollar is. Respond by asking their top dollar: they'll be ridiculous and tell you $500. Tell them you have another offer for $800 and get them to offer $825. Call your dad and ask if that's ok and tell him about the other woman really interested. Try to call the woman to tell her you have a higher offer... 3 times. She won't answer so you'll accept the guy's offer for $825. He'll go to the ATM 3 blocks away and during that time get all the paper work ready: the title and the file of receipts for repairs. He'll come back with cash for you and you'll date the title and pass it over with the keys, though you still have a set in your dorm that he says he'll pick up later next week. Drive away with a butt-load of cash and the car off your shoulders!

Selling a Car Part 6:

Go to Chipotle with your girlfriends for free burritos with you student ID to celebrate!

So long, my beloved Turbo. You served me well and will not be soon forgotten.

My ADD is really kicking in right now

2009-09-03T22:51:00.003-05:00

I have 4 paintings in various states of completeness... and I don't feel like finishing them.

blah

classes are going well, but I should really work on painting before things get too stressful. but I don't wanna!! my mod is always hot which makes me lazy and unfocused. ugh.

and I'm sooo tired!

that's enough whining now

How Quickly Life Can Change

2009-08-31T22:58:00.002-05:00

I guess that's why it's always an adventure.

I don't even know where to start! SO much has changed in the past weekend and it has been super stressful!

1) I have moved out of Dean and Elaine's house and into the dorms. That took quite a while. I have waaay too much stuff which is frustrating.

2) My job just got much, much more stressful.

3) Life is stressful. It leads one to do drastic things for happiness :)

I'll just start with Friday. When life was not stressful :)

Friday I packed all of my stuff in the station wagon (Eileen) at Dean and Elaine's. I also made chocolate peanut butter cookie bars. They are amazing. I left some for Dean and Elaine and took the rest to share with my mod :) delicious. of course, I bought the wrong size of pudding mix and didn't realize until I got back to the house (from riding bike to dillon's) and basically just got back on my bike and went back... :) I was all ready to go and stress free and relaxing. I took my last shower there and cleaned and folded my clean laundry that I did and made my bed with my clean sheets :) and went to bed.

Saturday morning I woke up 1 hour earlier than usual (for a Saturday) (7 am) so that I could vacuum my bedroom and swiffer the bathroom and make sure I was all ready. I biked to Dillon's and picked up a thank you card for Dean and Elaine. Got to work and Dean was already there (he had to meet with a customer at 9). I walk in the door and up to our counter and Dean tells me Joe quit. Joe, the master framer that's been framing in Newton for 11 years... quit. My only coworker... quit. Oh joy. Oh the joy I felt... except not. HELLOOOOOO stress! The good news is that I will have a job until May and I get a bit of a raise. Good. Bad news: waaaay more pressure on me to get things done. It's just me and Dean doing allll the framing and it's scary. I said I can still only work Thursdays and Saturdays and can come in for appointments with customers. I need my Tuesdays (the other class-less day) to do homework. Then I went to move in. I registered and found my room and moved my stuff from Dean and Elaine's into my room. Unfortunately, I had to wait until 3:30 to get my stuff out of storage, including the couch and the carpet roll. ugh. so I helped other people unload their cars. after supper we FINALLY figured out how to arrange our room (my roommate's name is Monica. She's a junior from Kansas). So we got it arranged and got some guys to grudgingly help move the couch up the stairs. Then I got some of my modmates to help get my boxes upstairs. I continued trying to unpack most of the rest of the night. I hate all this moving in and out!

Sunday. Special campus worship service was good. Lunch was decent (not that I really remember it). Post-lunch I continued the unpacking... I think it took allllll day... I finished after supper sometime before something... there was something going on that I went to and was finished by that... I can't remember what though... oh yeah... mod meetings... woooooo... not. it wasn't bad. And then there was a creeker and I had to go to that :) it was a blast. of course, I was tired when I got back at 1:30 and didn't shower and smelled like smoke all day today because of it. oh well :) So, Sunday was only stressful because I hate unpacking.

Monday. Ah monday. first off, I didn't get enough sleep, so I was grouchy today. oops. also I had to go to work which is stressful right now, so I already explained. I cannot believe this had to happen now. ugh. I worked on frames all day (we have a huge order right now that is consuming all my time and taking priority over everyone else's orders). I stood... all day. It felt like. at 11 was convo for 1.5 hours, so I went to that... but not really a relaxing atmosphere. Then I went back and worked on frames more. I got some friends to bring me lunch so that was good. Then framing framing framing! wooo... and then after that I decided I was going to get a haircut :) I went to the salon and scheduled an appointment for 7:30. I had a light supper: sandwich on croissant and some ice cream :) played a bit of frisbee that was interrupted for about 15 minutes because someone wanted to test drive my car (don't think they'll buy it, but we'll see). Played a bit more and then went to my haircut (yes, sweaty and gross. yes, I felt a little bad). I told her I wanted it to be cute, mid-length and still able to go in a ponytail. :) Said some other stuff and off she went and I LOVE it!!! I'm sooo happy with it. She thinks we cut off about a foot from the back! it's soo nice! definitely helps my destressing. And since getting back I've mostly just been relaxing and getting caught up with emails, facebook and this here blog :) oh and taking a shower. ah lovely shower :) it's good to be clean. :)

So, in a nutshell, this is where I am: stressed, not ready for classes to start, shorter hair, and learning/remember very quickly how to keep myself happy.

It's all just a bunch of adventures right? Dealing with new things all the time... an adventure... definitely.

More later. Bedtime is quickly coming :)

Selling a Car Part 2

2009-08-27T21:55:00.003-05:00

Next step:

Put an ad in the paper that looks something like this:

1983 VW Rabbit Diesel, 45mpg, great town car. 165,700 miles. Needs love. 574-206-6043

That will then provoke you to clean the car thoroughly because the ad is going to be in the paper the next day. You will pick up the trash, vacuum, clean the vinyl and wash the windows inside and out. Then you will be amazed at how nice your car can look on the inside and be, once again, sad that you're selling it.

Also, drive your car to a lot (they like it if you ask permission) and park it there so that people driving by can see it. Put a "for sale" sign in the window with your number on it and another on that says "45 mpg"... or not, since mine is the only car ever that gets that awesome of gas mileage. ;) And, don't forget to remove the giant fish from the backseat of the car. Move it to the back of your new car (which, of course, has it's own set of problems) which also contains a bike that is in pieces and a very, very large painting.

1.5 days later, after fielding 6-7 phone calls that basically just wanted to know the price: put a price on the vehicle and a page with specs so that they can stop calling you unless they are actually interested. Of course, you can't change the newspaper ad, so you'll still have to field those calls (but that's ok, it's a welcome distraction from the monotonous work you do during the day). (oh, do all this after calling your dad to tell him about the calls because he'll tell you to put a price on the car so that people don't have to call)

lesson learned: always put a price with your ad. Something like this: $950 obo.
and: always carry random crap in your backseat... until you have to carry people, then move it.

Home

2009-08-20T01:59:00.002-05:00

What do you do when your home is no longer really your home, but rather a place you visit occasionally?? What do you do when there are 3 places you refer to as home? Life's confusing... and that's really all the further that thought goes... I'm not really sure where home is I guess.

Also, what do you do when you like who you are, but aren't who you want to be? Spin that one around your head for a while.

I'm gonna go eat a turtle and go to bed.

A new adventure

2009-08-18T11:12:00.002-05:00

a couple actually, I guess

the first one isn't super exciting: making and filling cracks in the Walton United Methodist Church... woo!!! yesterday was the first step... taking away all the loose stuff and then cleaning it off the floor... there were some nasty cracks! and there are more to come! it's a 90-yr old church...

the real adventure is selling a car for the first time! it's a bit scary. I'm quite sad about my Turbo leaving... I was actually a little depressed when I first learned of the new car... but I suppose it's for the best (so long as the tranny on the new one doesn't go out!)... because now I can actually get home without breaking down (at least... it's more hopeful this way). So the other day I bought some for-sale signs and put them in the window... not that anyone can see them because, well, I don't drive much... but once I get the new car here I can park the Rabbit somewhere with good traffic. :( It will be an interesting adventure for sure! The new car is a '99 (?) Ford Taurus Station Wagon... it's darkish blue and has smoky tinted window... hot right? oh yeah... I'm still trying to find a good name for it... I'm thinking Ethel or Eileen... Both have their perks...

Also... I love pj days :) waking up, doing some work at home and never having to change into real clothes :) that's today! although, after lunch I'll have to change and go out in public :)

My grant is going well... I'm in the middle of 3 paintings and starting to think about how to do number 4... goal today: get a piece of wood for number 4 :) must talk to maintenance about that one :) they must have a nice-sized scrap right?? I'll be happy if I have 4 done by the start of school... which is getting close... and then I just have to do one more for the grant :) and I guess write a short paper... I think I can handle that :)

I'm soooo ready to move back in to campus and be with people again!!!! My mod is going to be basically amazing and I can't wait!! Classes are going to be difficult, but I think I can handle them... and if I have a hard time, I have some options of what to do.

Plugged in again

2009-08-11T23:11:00.003-05:00

Rappelling at RMMC this summer with family. What a blast!

Me, Micah, Lisle and Adrienne at the top of Raspberry Mountain at sunrise. That was quite the adventure!

One of my quilt blocks (10 total) from Spring 09. This one's my favorite :)

My all time favorite frame at FrameMakers. Dean (my boss) gave me the picture and told me to frame it, so I did and I love it. I want to own it, but for now I just stare at it on the wall when there are no customers :)

Creative Love to you all!

Yes, I am indeed, an Introvert

2009-08-04T20:59:00.002-05:00

This made even more clear to me this summer :)

one main incident was from my family reunions. as much as I love all of my family there was one day (the worst... there were other little ones) that I got quite grumpy with everyone and miraculously knew that I just needed to spend some time alone... so I did (journaling and watching the sun set)... after that, I was quite pleasant :)

the other situation isn't as clear, but I always expected to grow so much during my summers at camps and I would have never guessed that spending a summer (mostly) alone would allow me to grow more than when I was at camp. Camp where you're surrounded by loving people (basically a second family). Camp, one of the most God-filled and God-focused places I can imagine. But no... I suppose there were just too many distractions (there were some other factors that played into that each previous summer also... mostly... boys, as much as I hate to admit it)... and considering I'm slightly ADD... well, those distractions were very distracting... plus... there's just so much to DO at camp :) So, I've spent this summer alone. Sure, I live with Dean and Elaine, but they aren't my peers and the biggest distractions they provide is work during the day and tv in the evenings :) Sure, there are some people around, but I don't see them very often and all my closest friends are in different states. I guess, left with only myself and too much time on my hands, the only thing I had left to do was to turn inward. This has probably been the longest period of time I've been not surrounded by peers since I came to college. I can't say that my relationship with God has improved greatly, but I'm confident in my faith and in myself. I feel like I learn more and more how to take care of myself and how to know what I need when. :) So, all in all, I'm not sure if you could follow that or if it really makes sense... but that's how my summer feels... and the best part is that there are still 3.5 weeks of it left! :) Of course, my lovely distractions are coming back to KS soon :) I can't WAIT to see them again!!

There is my insightfulness for the month.... jk... I might have more later, but I must get to the art room... it's going to be a later night :)

Since it's hooked up...

2009-07-31T23:41:00.005-05:00

my external hard drive that is... I thought I'd give you a picture from my vacation to Colorado that you probably didn't even know about since I haven't written in forever!!! but here it is! it's the view of the sunset off of the porch at eagle's nest at rocky mountain mennonite camp. enjoy.

ok fine... I couldn't pick just one... sorry :)

of course.... that's only a glimpse of my lovely july... sorry I've sucked with the updates this month

Smoothies and other delicious edibles and exhaustion

2009-06-29T21:41:00.003-05:00

I love smoothies. Tonight I ventured away from the recipe book that I got for $4 at wal-mart and made one up :) it has mixed berry yogurt, raspberries, vanilla soy milk and walnuts in it and it's delicious... it's my supper because I didn't feel like doing the work to actually eat... I'm very tired, obviously. I worked from 6(ish) till 2:30. I've ridden my bike a total of... 12.5 miles (3.6 miles being the longest stretch) and played 2 hours of frisbee. I had a short nap, but other than that... it's been a long day and I'm so tired I don't even feel like eating :)

plus, I have a sunburn now... oops... thought I'd be in the shade all day and then worked on the wrong side of the house all day.

One of my favorite things to make for supper (for 1) is a tuna melt. it's delicious. I like to put grape halves into the tuna salad and I also like to put some crunchy peanut butter on the bread before the tuna salad and then broil it all together. delicious! My favorite things to make for more than one include sloppy joes and honey-glazed chicken :) Spaghetti is always a staple as well as salad and lots of good toppings for the salad (please no iceberg lettuce (aka crunchy water)... I like my lettuce green and nutritious!)

this is a very random post. I hope you don't mind. nothing very exciting is happening. last week was super hot. this week is slightly nicer. I've begun waking up and working by 6 am (ish... still trying to wake up with a bit more time to eat breakfast), so as to avoid the worst part of the day... of course... then I go and ride my bike around town during the worst part of the day... oh well. :)

And I go to be earlier and earlier it seems... I'll probably go to bed in the next half hour... as soon as I finish this smoothie... which is taking a long time to drink... because I'm exhausted

-laugh-

I would totally write an update...

2009-06-24T22:24:00.001-05:00

if I could think of anything to say

as it is... I'm feeling pretty braindead and tired :)

I've been working a lot in the sun and 100 degree weather... it takes a lot out of you :)

Oh D-d-d-deaarrr

2009-06-14T12:25:00.004-05:00

whoops again. it's been a whole 2 weeks since I updated! I'm half-way through June and this is my first June update. I'm sorry loves.

I'm still settling in to this new situation. I've realized that it's been 3 years since I've been surrounded by people my age just about 24/7. Sure, there are people around that I can hang out with... but I live at least 1/2 from the closest person instead of 25 feet. It's a huge difference! I now live with 2 50-something yr-olds. :) let me tell you, they are not as energized and crazy as college students. :) it's a good time though and I'm enjoying it. It's just difficult to be more alone than usual. And I'm running out of things to do in the evenings... I should be able to start my research though and then I can quit going to bed at 10:30 and 11!! I can't get used to that because it will never work when school starts up again :) I am, however, trying to get in the habit of eating better and exercising. I actually have more motivation than I've had before, so that's good. yesterday I rode my bike for about 10 miles. 2ish after work and then 8ish around 5or 6. I first rode to Bethel to drop some stuff off so that my backpack would be empty and then I rode allll the way to walmart for a couple things, then back to walgreens for a watch battery (walmart's battery selection is very lacking) and then back to the house. when I finally got back around 8 I made myself a delicious tuna melt and had some grapes. :) I also cleaned my room and the bathroom (after doing dished). I felt quite productive.

What else is new. well. I've had quite the car drama in the past week. but I'll save that for a later date (if I remember). I went on a vacation to Wisconsin this past week! I went to visit my cousin before she graduated from college. we had a great time. it was her finals week, but she finished everything by noon the first day I was there. we saw Up in 3D (not pixar's best, but it was good... the extra money for 3D wasn't worth it, but that's ok) and had some very delicious smoothies! It rained most of monday, so I bought some rain boots because all I had packed was flip flops and those don't work well in rain. we at out that night and I had a delicious Reuben :) On tuesday, Elaine got her hair cut and colored for graduation. we did some shopping for her to get gifts for a couple of her professors. We ate Thai for lunch and Sushi for supper. All very good stuff. Tuesday night I got to help with her final radio show. it was a new experience, but fun. We also got pedicures on Tuesday. I've never had one, but it was fun. My toes are bright fusia right now and it's wonderful :) funny, but wonderful. I wanted a bright color because it's so summer-y here in KS and I liked fusia better than lime green or neon yellow :) it was fun, but definitely not something I will be indulging in frequently. Other than that we were just hanging out and catching up :) it was a good couple days and worth the long drive.

I also got a haircut... yesterday!! it was wonderful. I enjoy getting haircuts, so it was nice because I haven't had one since christmas :)

Well. that's all for now. I feel a(nother) headache coming on... 3rd one in 24 hours :(

hugs

Oops

2009-05-31T14:49:00.003-05:00

I guess it's been a while and a LOT has happened since I last wrote... ok, so it was only, what? 2 weeks ago? Fine, but school ended, I moved out, moved in and started working.

I don't really feel like posting... but I will just because I love you... if you're even still keeping up with this.

So first, the conclusion of finals week... what did I even say last time...

Oh that glorious history exam [this just in! my boss and his wife were on errands and brought me a coke from Sonic :) I feel like their grandchild. we... er... I now return you to my previous, unfinished sentence] Oh that glorious history exam! I told you I did well on it and my grade merely confirmed it! I got a 91/100 and that's not even the best part! I got a 30/30 on the essay portion of it! I totally rocked it and it made me happy. I ended with a B+ in the class. The intro to bible exam on the other hand... well... let's just say that one didn't go as well... I still managed to end it with an A-, but the final didn't go well. I believe it took me all of 45 minutes to do, but I didn't try very hard. I hardly studied and I'm sure the grade showed that... I never got the grade on it, but that's ok... the final grade is really all that matters :)

Painting went well. I finished up Tuesday night so that I could turn them in and focus on more important things on Wednesday (photography and not studying for intro to bib). I would put pictures of my paintings up, but a) I'm not on my computer and b) I haven't taken pictures yet :) Photography went well, I got an A- in that as well (A in painting)... I didn't try really super hard on my last assignments... the main goal was to get them done... and I did :) and I got a perfectly good grade in the class, so I'm happy.

I was trying to hydrate with a glass of water here at the computer until Dean and Elaine (my boss and his wife) brought me this ice-cold coke which tastes glorious!!!! (too bad it's a diuretic... I can never spell that and this computer doesn't have spell check on it because it's Internet Explorer and not the superior Mozilla Firefox) Ah well... I will just continue the hydration process after thoroughly dehydrating myself with glorious Coke! :) (I'll just be peeing a lot today I guess)

So finals ended... yay!!! And I managed to pack and move stuff out by early Friday afternoon... yay!!! Then we went to the zoo... yay!!!!!!!!! (oh, we did NOT eat at Tacos Mexico, sadly... because they were closed that evening... bah... we had Chong's instead... which is good, but I should have ordered what I usually ordered and not something new that didn't taste that great)

Then I moved in to Dean and Elaine's house. It's a lovely house. I get the basement basically to myself which is nice. My room is 3 or 4 times larger than my room at home and twice as big as my dorm room :) My quilt is on the bed (a big one, like it deserves) :) I've started journalling a lot more frequently which is nice. Here's hoping it lasts through the summer and continues through the school year too... fingers crossed. :)

The weekend following finals was wonderful! I hung out with Sharayah Saturday morning and afternoon and helped her move into storage and get ready to go home. Saturday evening was spent with Sha and Brittany and it was lovely to be with them once more before they both left me for the summer. Sunday I went to baccalaureate (really wishing for spell-checker right now) and commencement. Got a bit of a burn from commencement, but it faded within 36 hours. After commencement Brittany and I went to a bunch of open houses and ate waaaay too much food :) it was wonderful. Sunday night was a creeker and that was fun. I love to hang out around a fire with people I know :) Afterward (at like, 2:30 am) I rode my bike home and slept.

Tuesday I had an echo cardiogram. It was an interesting experience... I haven't heard anything from the Dr. though... hmm... so just waiting on that. Should be nothing, I'm sure. After that I went to work for 4.5 hours in Walton on a rental house with Dean. We're priming and repainting the WHOLE inside!! So far we have completed the closets and ceilings... so, quite a bit to go... 3 bedrooms, a bathroom and the living room :) Wednesday I just primed and painted closets for 8 hours. I got incredibly painty! (I got smarter on friday and wore a bandana so I wouldn't get much paint in my hair) Thursdays and Saturdays I'm still working at FrameMakers, so nothing really exciting there :) Friday evening I went with a group of people to Wichita for Final Friday. I love Final Friday. It's an art gallery crawl in Old Town and it's just interesting to see all the different artworks and nice to hang out with people that I knew again. It was really nice to see people since Thursday night I was starting to feel really socially deprived/homesick and then there was a group-message in my inbox from Matt Beth to organize a group to go to Wichita. It was perfect timing. :) Saturday after work I relaxed and then hung out with one of the girls (Liz) from the Copy shop that's in the same building as FrameMakers. It was fun we watched Juno and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (both starring Micheal Cerra). We also went on a wonderful walk in the rain. It was amazing! It was raining these huge, fat drops, but the sun was still shining!! Of course by the time we got sweatshirts and went outside it had calmed down... but we kept walking south in hopes that it would start up again... and it did... ohh it did! and it was wonderful! We got SOAKING wet!! and I loved it. it was perfect rain. we skipped and jumped and danced in it. Then I went back to Dean and Elaine's and relaxed the rest of the night (my feet were killing me from walking on sidewalk for so long without shoes... oops). This morning I went to church at Faith (15-20 minute walk I found out). It was a good service. Made me think. Made me miss camp.

Ok... that's enough for now. I can catch up on other things later... but I'm tired of thinking... :)

I would post a picture... but I'm not on my computer... so I can't

love to you from me

Finals Week Update

2009-05-19T17:14:00.002-05:00

It's Tuesday of finals week and my stress is all disappearing!

My first midterm is over and I'm DONE with history of civilizaion!! Woo! The exam went a lot better than I thought it would going into it. I thought I did a superb job on the essay :) I also managed to get an extension on photography since I was super sick all last week and didn't get anything done.

Here's the remainder of my week:
1 painting that has it's first layer of color (now I just need to make it look good)
1 painting that just needs some stitching on it (won't take too long)
1 photography assignment to do completely
1 photography assignment to edit photos of
1 photography assignment to print photos off for
1 photography binder to organize and turn in
1 midterm for intro to bible
and packing!

So. it looks like a lot, but most of it's partial stuff. I plan to finish the paintings tonight and hopefully one of the photo assignments. Maybe I'll get some packing done; I did some yesterday, so that's at least started.

And NOW I'm going out to eat at Tacos Mexico and it's going to be amazingly delicious! :)

Something a bit happier

2009-05-14T09:58:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday, I forgot to mention, I got a tour of the place I'll be living this summer and a key to the house. :) Yay! Somewhere to live that's bigger than a dorm room! :)

Ug

2009-05-13T22:09:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been an eventful week, let me tell you. :(
First, the weekend. I went to SD for the weekend to visit a couple friends that are going to school at SDSU. So that was lots of fun.
I got back Sunday night around 8ish and started "working" on my paper that was due the next day (I didn't get as much done as I wanted before I left). I was up fairly late while doing that and at once point, my throat started hurting a bit. I didn't worry about it too much, I thought it was just from being up late. So I got that done and slept for a little while.
Monday. Still have the sore throat. It sucks. Convo is great because, guess what!? I got the grant!! Along with the grant I got an art scholarship for next year, so that's helpful. The grant was for $750 to do research this summer. So it's going to be a busy summer! :) which is fine, it means I have something to do. Oh yes: due to lack of sleep the past week or 2, I went to bed at 9:30. :)
Tuesday. Woke up around 8:30. Yay 11 hours of sleep! Boo for feeling even worse. I was achey, headachey (which lasted all day, even through the ibuprofin), my throat was worse and there was some drainage... ick. And to top it all off, I started my period... I know you probably didn't want to know that... but let's just get you as well into my shoes as we can ok? :) So yes. Headache all day. Skipped my pilates class (meh, it doesn't do anything for me anyway). Didn't have any other classes that day, so I was fine. I did a bit of homework. Went to bed around 12:30.
Wednesday. Today. Wake up time: 2 or 2:30 am... because I was freezing and sweating (I guess I got a feaver in the middle of the night). So I spent the next hour or 2 warming up as best as I could and tyring to go back to sleep... warmth came, sleep did not. Then, when I was finally not freezing anymore I got hot and took the blankets off. I wandered around my room some (took some drugs, went to the bathroom). Tried to sleep on the couch, to no avail. Eventually climbed back into my bed. I couldn't really sleep there either especially because I would take off the sheet every 2 minutes and then 2 minutes later put it back on... yuck. I think I dozed a bit between 5 and 6 and slept a little bit between 6 and 7 when my alarm went off. I was feeling better by then, so I went to breakfast and class. Classes seemed to go smoothly, though I can't remember much of it... oops. Chapel was at 11, it was good. I was miserable and sat in the balcony and cried a couple times (I didn't want to participate, but I wanted to hear the speakers). Lunch wasn't all that great. After lunch I looked at the senior art show (wonderful) and then took a nap for a bit. I was late to painting, but it didn't really matter because I basically got nothing done anyway. After painting I went to the Wichita River Festival because I had to take pictures for photography. That went well and I felt good for the most part (besides the throat). Then on the way back I started getting chills again so I stopped at dillon's and got a thermometer... turns out my temp was 100.?... woo... so I went and ate a crappy supper by myself (cereal, the only thing that tastes kind of good)... then I came back and was completely miserable and freezing again so I went and laid on Brittany's couch with a blanket. she made me some tea (I didn't drink much of it and am finishing it now). And I cried some because I was so miserable and it sucks a ton to be sick away from home. Friends definitely help, but it's still not the same as mom or dad :( So I went to the doctor. Woo. I was just there 2 weeks ago for some other symptoms (simiar, but not as bad... no fever and the cough was worse than the sore throat). I got in quickly, like usual. :) (sooo much better than trying to get into the academic health center... though the health center doesn't cost as much... I don't know what Access costs, but I don't have to pay anything when I go) She asked me questions and took my temp (101). Then she listened to my breathing which sounded fine. And then she listened to my heart... she did this for quite a while and took my pulse at the same time. Turns out, she thought I had a heart murmur... woo. So she sent me to the ER (right in the same area, so it only took a minute to drive there) to get my blood tested. That took a bit longer, but they got it and sent me back. When I got back the did a strep test (not strep apparently... they never said, so I assume it was negative)... then got the blood results. My white blood cell count was high, so it's something bacterial. The doctor suspects pneumonia, so she gave me drugs for that and said to take tylenol for the fever. She thinks the murmur is probably just my heart beating really fast because of the fever, but I have to go back saturday to have the heart doctor listen to it when they're in. So yeah... woo. I went to dillon's and stocked up on tylenol and bought some yogurt (comfort food). Then came back. And now I'm writing this and finishing my tea from earlier (post-yogurt and drugs). Yay life. I have SO much to do and I'm supposed to be resting. It sucks. A lot.
On a happier note... uh... I'm taking the day off work tomorrow so I can just veg a bit and hopefully get some homework and rest in. Yay... I hate being sick, especially when I'm not at home. blarg.

Love to all of you... let me find a picture from this afternoon real quick

this girl was super excited to be riding a pony

Yikes

2009-05-10T20:50:00.001-05:00

I know it's been a while. And this, I think, is going to be a short one for a quick catch up. I have 2 weeks left as a Junior at Bethel and it still hasn't really set in that I'm an upperclassmen... and that I'm going to be a senior next year. Wow.
So, with one week of classes to go before finals week, how am I doing? I'm sure you're wonderful. The life of Kelsie is always exciting in the last 2 weeks of the semester, right? Ohhh yeah. Well. I'm starting it off quite well (in the excitement department that is). I just got back from South Dakota around 8. I was visiting a couple of friends from camp (and meeting a bajillion people I will never remember). One of them was graduating. I have paper due tomorrow... yes, it's an exegesis... I tried to write it last week but only got one section done (and a sentence on the 2nd section). So, as you can guess, I will be up very late tonight, I'm sure... unless we have a miracle happen. My fridge is stocked with caffiene so that I can make it through at least half the week (then I may need to make another trip to dillon's). Woo!
Here's the stuff I've got to do... it's a fun list, trust me:
3 full paintings
2 half or less paintings
3 photography assignments
a paper (short one on a movie I need to watch... hopefully I'll be able to stay awake for the movie)
this exegesis paper
2 final exams

it's a good list huh?? I'm really not looking forward to it... I know I'm for sure sleeping for a loooong time after work on saturday and I'll probably go to bed early saturday and sleep in on sunday (yes, I'm already planning ahead to next weekend... no time to catch up on sleep this week)

So there's my thoughts for the next 2 weeks.

Love you all. Prayers are helpful :)

Correction

2009-05-05T15:42:00.000-05:00

I would like everyone to know that the weather-phone lied to me this morning as the high was actually not even 60... and it rained all day. Neither of which I am disappointed about, but... weather-phone still lied :) it's a nice kind of rain

The Perfect Start

2009-05-05T09:39:00.000-05:00

Here's how to have an amazing morning (if you're me, which you aren't... so I don't know why you're reading thing) ;)

Go to bed around quarter till midnight and set your alarm for 8 am.
Wake up before your alarm and lay in bed until it goes off.
Wake up slowly :)
Call the weather phone and find out that the high is 80, but right now it's only 56
Have a good breakfast
Be productive :)

I'm having a wonderful Tuesday morning! :)

I made this sweet pic last night :)

One of those Nights

2009-04-24T03:43:00.001-05:00

I can sing along to the Rockapella folger's commercial... every single word :)

yes. It's almost 4. yes. I'm still awake... I'm not sure if I'll sleep tonight.
yes. that will make this weekend harder. I just can't help it right not. I'm writing a paper... SURPRISE! the bigger surprise though is that it's a paper I should have been able to write in an hour... and here I am... 8 hours after opening the document... still writing... still avoiding/procrastinating it... I just don't get myself sometimes. I think I'm getting closer to done, but it probably won't be 4:30 or 5 until I'm done... and since class is at 8... well... it just makes more sense to stay up for that last 2/2.5 hours... I'll shower, clean my room... maybe go watch the sunrise... or paint or something productive... maybe I can get a good nap in in the afternoon??

I really don't mind these nights. I tell my friends I'm up all night and they get all pity-y over me and I'm like, guys... it's no big deal... I'm fine :) I kind of like them. I feel more awake than if I slept for 2 or 3 hours. Maybe I'll write some letters too... AND if I get my work done sooner... I'm productive with other stuff!! :)

Well. Back to the paper.

x0-loves-ox

A Happy Haiku

2009-04-23T23:37:00.000-05:00

Here's something happy

South Dakota friend visits
Coming Saturday

Nathan Hofer with a lot of crackers in his mouth. I am threatening to smash them all.

Another Haiku

2009-04-21T13:49:00.000-05:00

All boys are stupid
Some boys are even assholes
in particular

Haiku of the day

2009-04-19T22:25:00.000-05:00

all boys are stupid

none of them understand girls
or relationships

though quite attractive, this boy is also stupid.

New Photos!

2009-04-14T16:36:00.000-05:00

Alrighty everyone!! I am, at this very moment, in the process of putting the new pictures on Flickr. I know you've been waiting forever for them! :) They are 10% complete now.

This is Aimee and Michael. They are also in my graduating class here at Bethel. Next year I will be living with Aimee in a mod! yay! They are such an adorable couple! And were definitely wonderful to work with! They were very comfortable together and in front of the camera and had some ideas to try along with my ideas. One of Aimee's best ideas was to carry a couch (we stole the one from the art department for a bit) out to the campus green, which is basically in the middle of campus, to take pictures with :) it was great! I stayed on campus for the pictures. Some of my favorites came from when we went over to the prairie to take pictures and it's a good thing we didn't wait much longer because they just burned the prairie last week!! Granted.... I did take the pictures about 4 weeks ago :)

30%

33%

Today the student art show is going up on the gallery here on campus. I have 2 paintings... oh... I need to take pictures of those huh... the ones with the barbed wire and life and death... I'm not really a fan of them anymore... but oh well... my embroidery from last semester will also be up. Along with those, I have one picture going up... I just printed and matted it today :) It's the picture of the brick building with the door and newspaper boxed... you can find it on flickr under the structures section.

59%

News!! I'm going to apply for a summer research grant through URICA. I'm going to do research on image transfer and painting. I'm super excited! I need to, however, have a very detailed proposal written up and emailed to the psychology professor but Tuesday... that's one week from now!!! AHH! But yes... it should be lots of fun. Also going on this summer: Susan Schmeichel and I are going to paint the art building!! As soon as we get permission from the art department and maintenence. :)

82%

Hmm. What else is new. Sunday night I was up all night. :) After I finished my exegesis, at 5:30, I cleaned my room and the bathroom. After classes I vaccuumed (that's not a nice thing to do at 6 in the morning) and after lunch I cleaned my desk!! yay! Tonight I am visiting the prison in hutch as a volunteer, like I do once a month. Afterwards I will either research, sketch out painting ideas, or go to bed... I haven't decided yet. :)

100%!!!! now you can go look at them! Have a good week!

oh. you think you want a picture here too, huh?

Maya and I excited to get starbucks! Did you know that Iowa doesn't have starbucks? just kidding.. they just don't advertise it on their signs... ANYWHERE... from 35 N to Des Moines then 80 E all the way through!!!

Easter is here!

2009-04-12T18:18:00.000-05:00

Easter is here. Lent is over and I did terribly so it didn't really mean anything to me but this weekend was wonderful!!

The weekend started Thursday when all I had was my pilates class (which really did my backside in!) at noon and the rest of the day from 8-5 I worked at the frame shop. On the way back I picked up an ice cream cake so we could celebrate Sha's 20 and 3/4 birthday :) Her B-day is in the summer so we never get to celebrate it with her, so this is how we made up... she got 20 and 3/4 candles and I believe she even only at 3/4 of her piece of cake :) it was wonderful. Then we went to a club in wichita for some dancing and that was lots of fun as well. The worst part was that it cooled down a lot Thursday so standing in line was very windy and cold for 20-30 minutes and when we left it was snowing... large flakes... we were wearing tanktops and jeans... :) oh well. it was fun. Oh yes. I also found out that I didn't have work on Saturday which was good news!

Friday was another fun day. After sleeping in a tiny bit I showered and just hung around. In the afternoon I went to the library and worked on my exegesis for a bit (which is what I should be doing right now, but am not). Then in the afternoon my friends and I went shopping in wichita which was a blast. After shopping we went to the Artichoke Sandwich Bar where Radar Ray and the Creekbusters were playing for 3 hours (we were there for only the last 2 hours). The Creekbusters are Bethel's very own folk/indie band that we all love. And the sandwich I had was delicious! It was actually a grilled wrap with chicken, guacamole, jalepenos and deliciousness!! mmmm. Then we got back and went over to 7c where we hung out with some slightly drunk people for a bit and then to bed!

Saturday was also a blast! Are you noticing a theme?? There was no work, so instead Brittany and I woke up and went to Hesston to watch Maya play tennis. It didn't go so well, but we enjoyed supporting her. Then the 2 of us went to her sister's land lot where her and her husband are going to be building their house... right now they are finishing the garage/shop that they will be living out of while they build the house. We helped paint the trim around the outside and it was a lot of fun. Then we went and hung out at her house and did a bit of homework. Sharayah and Maya showed up later and we hung out then had easter supper with her parents, sister and brother-in-law. It was so delicious! I was very stuffed afterward! When Maya and I got back we packed some sunday clothes and went to Daniel's house to spend the night.

Sunday: also great! We slept at Daniel's so that we could wake up and go to the sunrise service at his church. It was nice, but it was raining and so the service was inside. When we got back to his house after breakfast we slept for another 1/2 hour then got ready for church and went to his church with him. After church we hung out while food got ready and people arrived and then we ate another huge and delicious meal! Once again, I was stuffed... so stuffed that I skipped supper! But we're having a mod meeting in 20 minutes and we're having chips and 3 types of dip! So I think I'll be fine :) And tonight I have an exegesis to write... So I'll be up late again. :) oh well. I have coffee and creamer so I'll be able to stay up... but... have I ever really had problems with that?? :) It's just the way I write papers I guess :) Though I do have another paper due tomorrow morning but I wrote that one on Tuesday.... :) when I was being antisocial. So I'm glad that one's done!

I still have yet to post the engagement pictures I took, but I'll give you a little taste:

OR

2009-04-10T10:56:00.001-05:00

maybe it was just PMS

When Life isn't So Amazing

2009-04-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life isn't as amazing as my last post. That's this week. For the past week I haven't gotten enough sleep, eaten very well and all-around just not taken very good care of myself. And this week, after adding on a load of stress, I'm paying for it. Monday I was somewhat moody but things weren't bad. Yesterday was pretty bad, though up and down until the evening when it was mostly just down. I was depressed and therefore very antisocial. I avoided people all night by locking myself in a study room in the library and writing a paper (I never go to the library, much less take my computer with me). I spent some time chatting with some out-of-state friends and that helped quite a bit, but I still avoided KS people as much as possible yesterday. Today I'm very moody, having been on the brink of tears a couple times now (the economic troubles are hitting closer to home with faculty and programs at the school soon to be cut) and most likely it will happen again at chapel, because it's going to be a fairly solemn one. Other than that, I don't really feel like being very social still and I have very little energy. I had 8 hours of sleep last night, but it didn't seem to help, I slept later than usual which just made me rush more and monday night I was up until 3:40 working on pictures which will soon be up on flickr.

So what do I do when life isn't so amazing as I've previously made it sound?

It's been a while since I felt like this, but after the sessions with my therapist last semester (every other week) I've been able to figure out, for the most part, what to do for myself. Right now I'm in the process of waiting for some time to relax: get lots of sleep and do minimal work. It's not this week, but next week and hopefully a bit this coming weekend, but not much because I have a big paper due Monday which will take a lot of time. Basically, I need to get lots more sleep, get my sleeping schedule back to normal and eat more healthily. That second one is a bit harder to do when the food in my room is crap/junk food and the food in the caf is not all the healthy.

So that's my week: waiting for the next week so I can get my moods back to normal, until then, I'll just hope that I feel social enough to do things that I planned on doing. :) But still remembering that life is pretty good and I like it.

So, not that I've hopefully not depressed you, dear reader, too much. I hope you have a wonderful Easter weekend. Love to you all.

How's life?

2009-03-31T19:53:00.000-05:00

What a good question. One that I received recently from my ex-fiancé. It was a very unexpected email and I thought I would post my response on my blog because I figure it's a good question, and a good answer:

"Short answer: life is great.

Long answer: I still don't know where to start. :) I'll just talk about currently and if you want to more I can go into that later. This semester is the best semester of my college years so far. I'm living in Voth, down the hall from the suite my friends are in. It's nice, though the mods next year will be waay better. I don't see people much and I'm pretty sure that a lot of the campus doesn't know I exist :) I'm starting to get out more so that's been fun. I'm relaxed, mostly stress free and happy. I'm very content with where I'm at in life and where I'm somewhat headed.. I don't actually know where that is... :) I've grown a ton in the past year and have really come into my own and I'm enjoying that immensely. I'm just so comfortable with life... to explain better I'd have to talk about everything that's happened in the past year and that would take a looong time! But we read this in church today (I'm on spring break!! so I got to go to my own church and see people). It's from Sing the Journey #152

"We clutch our tiny bits of faith in tight fists shoved in our pockets.
We clutch it suspiciously, so unwilling to let it go--we don't want to lose it.
We clutch it fearing that once it is spent, we will be without hope, cast adrift, out of luck.

Help us to loosen our grip.
Help us to pull our hands out of our pockets.
Help us to uncurl fingers stiffened over time:

to grow,
to shimmer,
to pulse,

to explode into the air like a thousand red birds.
Amen"

And that's what has happened over the past year... not necessarily with my faith, but in being my own person in God:

my grip is loosened, my hands are out of my pockets, my fingers are uncurled, I've grown

I shimmer

I pulse

I have been and am exploding into the air like a thousand red birds

Amen.

I'm so happy.

There is sunshine in my days. There is joy in my life. There is music in my soul. I have been given happiness I've never known. I hope that you have found the same happiness."

There are crappy days, but I still have the same answer on those days.

And I do hope that all of you, even if I don't know you, have found or do find happiness you've never known.

this is my car at a gas station with big trucks... there is snow... in March

I'm going a bit post-crazy

2009-03-15T16:57:00.000-05:00

Sorry about all the posts... I think I might use it as a form of procrastination

but here's another post

Why I wanted contacts in the first place and why I will always marvel over them
1) camera viewfinder... now I can get my eye right up to it and not hit my glasses! and my prescription is higher!! yay!
2) kissing... oh wait... I don't have anyone to kiss... but when I do again... it will be easier ;)
3) sunglasses!!!!! I can wear sunglasses AND see now!! yay!!
4) it's soo much easier to play sports now! no glasses to worry about
5) I don't have to worry about my lens falling out of the broken frame
6) I'll actually look at people through the contact rather than over my glasses (they don't help much if you always look over them ;)
7) uhh... driving! I guess that kind of goes with sunglasses, but just being able to see everything without turning my whole body :)

ok... so mostly it was just the camera and sunglasses... but hey... it's legit and I'm definitely happy (now that my eyes are adjusting to having them)

pickle rolls on new year's!!! that's when I still had glasses ;)

Nudes

2009-03-14T14:05:00.000-05:00

Just letting you all know that Nudes are up on Flickr (ok, not quite as I write this... they're still uploading, but I figure you won't read it that quickly).

So if you want to see them... there they are.

www.flickr.com/photos/kelsiem/

Sharayah, Maya, Brittany at Waterfront in Wichita

Flickr

2009-03-11T21:00:00.000-05:00

I have decided to open a Flickr.com account. It's a photo-sharing website. I decided to do it because I've recently taken pictures that I don't want to put on facebook and so decided I could keep most of my photos on Flickr and this way all my family and friends can see my photos. Here's the web address:
www.flickr.com/photos/kelsiem/

Yesterday (Tuesday) I had a new experience!!! For photography I had to take NUDES!!!!! It was interesting. Not as uncomfortable as I thought it would have been. It took about and hour and 15 minutes up in the lighting studio on campus. I set up my computer speakers and had some music playing so it wasn't all creepy-quiet and stuff. And was very prepared with a bajillion poses to try. So it was good, and those photos will be going up on flickr in the next week. Right now I have my Landscapes/Cityscapes and my Structures up there. I think it would be totally awesome if I could upload songs to play for each different "set" of pictures. :) But alas... you'll have you make your own music to look at my pictures.

If you're into music, here are a couple new musicians that I've enjoyed a lot lately:
Owl City -- male, electronic/alternative kind of. Listen especially to:
---On the Wing--Rainbow Veins--The Technicolor Phase--Sky Diver--Designer Skyline--Hello Seattle--- thank you to Dicky Friesen from South Dakota

A Fine Frenzy -- female, folk (says itunes). Listen especially to:
---Rangers--The Minnow and the Trout--Whisper--Ashes and Wine--- thank you to Tiana Williams via Sharayah William from Iowa

What else can I say? I don't know. So yeah. Here's a picture:

I made these cakes with a bit of help from Sharayah for our big Valentine's meal!

WHAT?!

2009-03-08T22:50:00.000-05:00

In Wisconsin, people call drinking fountains... here it is... you'll never guess what it is....: bubblers.

WHAT?!

Amigo summer camp 2007

HOLY MOTHER NATURE

2009-03-08T21:52:00.000-05:00

No, this is not about the weather, though we did have a tornado warning yesterday before supper... so we evacuated voth and went to the mods basements... err... roofs :) everyone in the mods was going up the stairs to watch, so we did too and then the emergency ended. Someone asked why Bethel hasn't been blown away yet (being in KS and all) and I was all, like... DUH!! It's the House of God (Beth'El). Doesn't anyone remember intro to bib? :)

No, this is about my life. And how I'm going crazy. And how I really shouldn't be writing this right now due to the fact that I have an exegesis (analytical research paper over 10 bible verses) due tomorrow and only have one section completed (took me 3.5 hours) out of 4. Go me. Hey! I'm a quarter of the way done! sounds better when I put it like that. And really... I'm just writing this as a distraction. I was super tired today and so I was trying to write my paper and basically just staring blankly and not thinking, so I made coffee and now I'm crazy and still can't concentrate. Ah the woes of life. And now I have 2 stickers on my face. They are lightbulbs. The first one is on my forehead (that was for the first sentence, go me!!!) and the second is on my cheekbone for finishing the first section!

Today I sat for Joe, my co-worker. He painted me. It was fun, but made my back hurt a little bit.

That's all I can think of for right now.

Oh yeah. I got a new piercing in my ear (specifically the conch area). It's pretty awesome... the healing process not so much. but whatever. Here's a picture
It's in my left ear and when it heals I'll take the hoop out and just put a stud in it. it's going to be h'amazing! you'll see... come june I'll be able to put whatever I want in it!

I love you... even if I don't know you, whoever you are reading my blog.

The Past Year

2009-02-25T22:17:00.000-06:00

So, I met with Jonna for about 40 minutes this afternoon for lunch and had a good talk about life then, now and to come. :) And it got me started thinking a little bit about the past year.

I realized that this past year has been one of the best I've ever had! It's been almost a year since I broke off my engagement with Ben and since then I've experienced so many things. When Jonna asked if I was still happy with the decision to break it off, I said "Yes. Sometimes I think about it and wonder if maybe it was the wrong decision, but then I think again and am like, no it was perfect." And it was. The decision was perfect for me. It's been a rough year dealing with bouts of depression and 2 semesters of counseling (I went multiple times last spring and met with the campus pastor often and went every 2 weeks last semester but since chistmas haven't called to schedule an appointment) as well as being away from home while my mom also dealt with some depression stuff. Dealing with doubts about my friends wasn't easy either. Camp was amazing. Honestly, the only way it can compare with Amigo is the facilities and grounds (I have to admit that Amigo has nice location/grounds/facilities). The people at Swan Lake are the most amazing people I have ever met. The responsibilities I had challenged me physically, mentally and spiritually. I never got bored of my job (gotta say, being camp photographer at Amigo got a bit boring and not at all a challenge). I was able to grow in ways that I haven't been able to as of yet and the people there only made it all the easier.
So far, being single this semester has been wonderful as well! I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and just enoying life, granted... the weather sure does help.
But, I suppose the point of this post is that I'm very happy with where I am in life and am very appreciative for the events of the past year and they way they've shaped me into who I'm becoming. :)

bull in Park City by subway/spangles

Reflections on Relationships

2009-02-18T00:03:00.001-06:00

Events of the past week have led me to reflect a lot on relationships and what I want them to be/feel like/do/etc.

"you have to find someone who recognizes that he/she is complete but imperfect, and also realize your own imperfections but be a complete individual. A good relationship is about making two people better together, not about completing each other. If the relationship is about filling in the gaps, then you are relying on another individual to to make you whole... when that is something that only God can do. Invariably, the relationship cannot be fulfilling under those circumstances, because you are constantly looking to the other person for completeness, and that strains the relationship. It creates a shift from enriching and challenging the life of your partner to acting as their crutch in life"

--Brent Stutzman

Brent is my friend, Lindsey's (who's now in Australia for the semester) boyfriend. He's a very wise young man. What he said is exactly what I want in a relationship and I'm willing to wait for it. I'm confident enough in myself to do my own thing and leap into opportunities that arise, such as VS, Intermenno or grad school. I do believe grad school is in the works, though not right after college. I'm pretty sure I want to go for bakery/pastry stuff and MAYBE culinary, while possibly taking a few random art classes like photography or painting or jewelry. Right now I think I'll end up at the Art Institute in Chicago for classes, but that's a ways away and things always change. :)

So, I'm single now, again. I really enjoyed it last semester and am once again enjoying it. I'm excited for the things I can do after college. I might stay one year out here just to earn some money and then I might go into VS for a year or 2 and see where that leads me. I'm just so excited for the future :)

Since I've realized what it is I kind of am looking for, I'm very ok with waiting for it to come along. I don't need a relationship, though sometimes I wish it would come now :) I'm perfectly happy as I am right now.

I've also thought some about my friendships. While talking with Lindsey before she was leaving for Australia (online, because she was at home) and last night I realized just how blessed I am to have such amazing friends. God has put the perfect people into my life. One's that have each experienced what I have experienced and am experiencing. He gave me Sha to chat with about almost anything: when boys are lame, school, etc. She was there to help me decide to change my major with her insights. He gave me Maya to remember to be light and fun and also to talk about struggles with physical temptations. He gave me Brittany to help me through the break-up with Ben as she had recently gone through a break-up with her boyfriend of 4/5 years. We shared feelings and thoughts that we'd had near the end of the relationship as well as feelings that we have had after the break up. And He's given me Lindsey to go through this break-up with Jared. She's been with guys that haven't been healthy for her and she's dealt with particularlly bad break-ups and knows how I feel and what to say. She's more wise than she realizes.

All-in-all, the last year (it's come full circle now as this is about when I broke up with Ben... I guess you could say past 2 years because this is when changing my major started tempting me)... so... all-in-all the last 2 years has shown me a bit of who I am and how much God has blessed me to help me make it through. I've come to really appreciate the friendships that I formed my first year here and am sure they will last forever, even when we're all living in different states or even countries, we'll keep in touch. It's also shown me that I am confident and perfectly fine without a "special someone."

Speaking of how wonderful people are... I'm happy to say that I will be going to Sr. High Winter camp this coming weekend and am SUPER excited to see all the wonderful people there... mostly summer staff and counselors and full-year staff... but also the campers and to watch their interactions as their love for each other is so evident and wondeful to see. :)

.love to all.

photo by marcus maust

Happy New Year

2009-01-19T23:47:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah: Happy New Year!

I don't really have any resolutions... I guess my biggest resolution is basically to work ahead more so that homework doesn't stress me out and depress me as much as it has in the past. Here's hoping.

I guess it's been a while

2009-01-19T23:34:00.001-06:00

I suppose I'm writing to no-one by now. :) Oh well.

It's January term. So far so good. I'm taking astronomy, badminton and auditing printmaking. I would love to actually participate in printmaking because it looks fun, but I just watch and sometimes help give ideas to my friends. I can't take it because I don't need any more art credits. I will get all the credits from my major just from my dual-emphasis classes and the other required ones. Then besides that I need my gen eds and extra credits that are from outside my major (I think it's a stupid rule... but that's just because I want to take all the different kinds of art classes and I can't!). Astronomy is ok. It's somewhat interesting but confusing too and kind of boring... the only thing we have to do outside of class is read... and I don't :) oops. But I'm loving the free time. In the past 2 weeks I've read 2.5 books (during christmas break I read 3.5 books...). I've also watched some movies and hung out with my friends a lot. I even have managed to finish (almost... there are some things on the floor to take care of yet) unpacking... yes from the beginning of the school year. :)

I've started collecting pinecones. I love pinecones. There isn't a huge size range, but none-the-less, I like them. I want some really big ones! I'm going to have to buy a basket for them all soon though... they are cluttering my desk :). Good thing my mother taught me where to find cheap baskets. :) I plan to use them for a photography series eventually (hopefully this coming semester).

You'd think that with all this free time I'd do more projects that I've had lying around... but I haven't... I just sit around and read or look around on the internet tempted to spend money. :)

So. Nothing really going on.

Hope everyone is having a nice January.

The Semester's Coming to a Close

2008-11-19T16:57:00.000-06:00

I'm ready for it and not ready for it all at the same time... the semester's end that is. I'm SO ready to be done with this semester and move on to the next stressful one (with a break for interterm). But I have SO much to do! Lots of projects. I'm excited about most of them but would be even more excited if I had more time... which... I guess I did have more time once second half of semester started... but I didn't get started soon enough so I'm stressed out again. I'd list it all out for you but I don't want you to get depressed :) There are 3.5 weeks until finals... Last I knew there were 5... they are going by too quickly and I just can't seem to get myself working... SO much to do!

On another hand... let's talk about pumpkin. I love pumpkin. Pumkin is amazing! Anything with pumkin and sugar... I will eat it! (I've heard of pumpkin soup and I'm not so sure I'd like that...) The cafeteria here (and this is THE only thing you will EVER hear me say positive about our food service) make this delicious pumpkin crunch cake thing that is great... and probably one of the reasons that I've gained 5 lbs this semester. They put whipped cream on top and I microwave it... even better warm! And the other day I went to Reba's (Fav. Newton restaurant) and had the most amazingly, deliciously, wonderfully, satisfyingly H-AWESOME!!!! Pumpkin cheesecake... oh my goo-wash! you should have been there... I took one bite... it hit my tongue and I froze because it was THAT amazing... I even let out a squeel of delight because I couldn't help it... just ask Sha... AND they even gave me honey for my coffee... we'll save the talk of honey for another day (it's my number one love almost tied with pumpkin). What else... oh! I'm pretty sure I get to have my family's pumpkin ice cream dessert when I go home for thanksgiving (per my request) and I'm SUPER excited... I don't think I remember having it since living on 8th street... and that was a LONG time ago... I think it's closing in on 10 years ago... wow. And I am SUPER excited about Saturday... first I'm going to an art museum (I have to for an art assignment... but I like art museums) which is free on saturdays and then (I'm dragging some friends along) we're going to Coldstone (Ice cream place for those small-town types that don't know what it is... I think they have one at home now though...) and I've heard that they have PUMPKIN ICE CREAM!!!! And I've been so excited for it ALL week already that if they don't have it I'm simply going to die of disappointment... it will be a very sad day for the world... Well... I suppose that's enough about pumpkin, even though it's the 2nd best flavor in the world... someone... I... should write a book about pumpkin... and include wonderful recipes... hmm... after I start a honey farm and write about book about honey... yes. and there will be gorgeous pictures... here's one to satisfy your eyes: Reba's Pumpkin Cheesecake

Mural pictures

2008-09-26T10:22:00.001-05:00

Close up of the front side

Back side

I've finally gotten around to putting up the pictures of the mural that Sarah Harder and I worked on with the campers this summer... they did the first painting and then we went back and did most of the blending... especially on the front :) it was a fun project.

side -- it's a mess... so much to look at

front side -- looks really cool when the sun is setting through the trees and the shadows are on it.

This semester

2008-09-20T19:58:00.000-05:00

So, starting out this semester I was so sure I was going to have a good one. My classes seemed like they'd be enjoyable, and not too difficult or time demanding. Every semester thus far hasn't been so great. And this one is following right along with them. Nothing can go quite right. The 3rd week of school just ended and I'm already behind...
I guess by writing this I'm just asking for your prayers that this semester will start to go a little easier. I just don't know what to do with myself.

A Night Out

2008-09-12T22:39:00.000-05:00

So, tonight was our RA's (CJ) birthday and a bunch of us got dressed up and went out to eat at Applebee's (even though it had been raining all day and the campus has some large, new ponds). It was a ton of fun. So on the way back up the stairs to my room I realized that I had some adheisive velcro stuck to my dress and I had no idea how to get it out. Google is amazing. I used (non-aerosol) hairspray on it and after a little bit it just scraped right off with my debit car. It was amazing! :) Apparently it's the alcohol in the hairspray that does it...
But now I have to get back to folding laundry and maybe some homework... I know! on a Friday? Yeah... lame huh? :)

Back at School

2008-09-03T12:49:00.001-05:00

So I guess it's been a while since I updated everyone huh? Sorry about that.
Well, the first week of August was our last week camp: junior high. It was good.
The week before that Jared and I went on our first date: McDonald's and Batman+Coldstone.
After camps ended we both stuck around for 2 weeks doing odd jobs/cleaning and helping with guest groups. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with Mary and that was a lot of fun. She wanted me to come back next summer as her assistant which would be fun but I might need a real job next summer.
Then I brought Jared home for a week and that was good. It was nice to be at home again for a little while and see my family and Zoe. Sorry to everyone I didn't see: I wanted a relaxing time at home so I didn't really tell people I was coming home. It was definitely the fastest week of the summer which was sad.
Now I'm back at school for the semester. I have 16 credit hours: Art History I, German II, Studio Fundamentals, Selected Topics in Art History (Women in Art), Painting and Kickboxing (second half of semester only). It's a very art-y semester so I think it will go fairly smoothly though next semester might be a bit more rough.
I'm living in Voth Hall this semester and my roommate is Erin White, a senior Biology major. So far all is good in that area. The food is still not very good. The soccer team has all of 1 sub so I'm somewhat thinking of joining, though I don't think I can miss all my weekends for 2.5 months...
I'm also on the Collegian as a photographer, so I'm taking some pictures this semester and so far it's going well.
And thus far things are pretty slow. I'll try and be more frequent now that I'm in school.

Week Off!

2008-07-04T23:43:00.001-05:00

This week has been amazing! Every day we do some light work in the mornings and a bit after lunch and then mostly relax.

Monday: We rocked a wall in the morning. Laid on the raft with Brittany and Chilee for about an hour and then we took it out to the middle of the lake with paddles with Nathan and Doran and had lots of fun swimming in the middle of the lake. Then we came back in time to help get ready for summer which the Kroekers provided: steak and other good foods with homemade cream puffs for dessert!!! It was wonderful and lots of fun!

Tuesday: Did an hour of dishes with Sarah. Lots of people left after lunch to go places and there were only 5 of us left: Sarah, Doran, Chilee, Jared and me. Apparently we didn't do anything because Sarah and I don't remember.

Wednesday: Put dirt on the ground. Afternoon: went to Sioux Falls with Sarah, Chilee and Ja-red. Went to lots of fun stores, like the music store and target. Went to movie: Hancock. very funny and good. you should see it. I should learn to spell/type gooder. /grammer. spent too much time at mall. /money. Had yummy coldstone ice cream. yum yum. not at yum yum at homemade ice cream... esp home made strawberry or butter pecan. You, parents, should figure out how to make yummy peach ice cream... while I learn to type better. :D

Thursday: Had a good campfire with small staff group. it was fun. we sang songs and played music and then Nathan came back with Ja-red's sister, HannaH. we had lots of fun with her: try glow-in-the dark crayon+face-light :) And stayed up late watching teenage mutant ninja turtles with everyone.

Today!!!! we cleaned after reunion people before reunion people. went back to sioux falls for fireworks, allergy meds and some random crap we found on the way. went on the raft at NIGHT to watch the fireworks on the lake and went swimming in the middle of the lake and almost lost the raft and this is a really long run-on sentence; try to read it in one breath: I like it. now we are going to bed. I get to sleep with Sarah. yay. (last sentence.5 read in monotone)

Love you all. Miss you all. Love Love Love

So Busy!

2008-06-26T00:17:00.000-05:00

Things have been getting more and more busy lately, which is why I haven't had time to write. We're in the midst of 5th grade camp and I love them dearly!! I have the majority of one cabin latched on to me and I love it! They are so adorable! Though the ones that have started going through puberty are very awkward! :) Yay. something to look forward to in 6th grade camp... we have a nice week off next week though to prepare ourselves. I'll still be here relaxing and doing work around the camp. I'm hoping to be able to make some calls and catch up with people that week.
I'm also sick right now. Most of the other female staffers (we live together) have been sick already and we think it was probably from mold possibly growing in/under the bathroom carpet (we had a LOT of toilet problems), so we took the carpet out and they are all getting better (started taking ecchinacea pills as well which I think are helping)... and Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat... not cool! So Tuesday I sucked on orange life savers all day and today I found the cough drops and have been eating them like candy and drinking lots of hot water with honey and lemon... My nose got stuffed up today and I've started sneezing which really hurts the throat! :( I'm taking the pills too so I hope it will all help... we'll see.
Today a fellow female staffer and I, Andi VanHove from Marion, SD, tricked a bunch of campers into thinking we were twins. It was wonderful :) and worked pretty well... but apparently she did that with another staffer last year and the kids found out from another source and didn't trust them any more so we told the truth after campfire it all went over beautifully and Derrica (sp?) still loves us. She's so cute!
There was a bit of a disaster with the rope swing yesterday... it was sad. Shelby, who is in cabin 3 (my adopted cabin and the ones that all thought we were twins) and a bit overweight decided to go after backing down the first time and all the campers were cheering her on as she went and then she jumped and let go too soon and fell at the edge of the water on the branch and rocks. :( it was sad. She banged up her legs and got a couple of scrapes in her mouth but she's so amazing and is still having a wonderful time at camp! The most amazing thing was the way her cabin (my lovely girls) responded when it happened. They were there in the blink of an eye to help and make sure she was ok. It was wonderful... and I'm almost crying thinking about it. :) The way they banded together when one of them was down was beautiful... to see the way people care about each other. Sometimes it's easy to forget how much people can care, sometimes especially when they are younger and it was a great reminder that that's how we should treat everyone we meet... as though they are the most important and to try and do what we can to help them, even if it's just holding a hand or listening.
Oh the things we learn from little ones.
I'm having a happy week. I lead campfire tomorrow with John (John) Bookout, from Pretty Prairie, KS. Tomorrow's theme is work in progress.
Did I ever say the camp theme for the summer? It's Extreme Makeover: Heart Edition, based on the TV show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I wasn't thrilled about the idea at first, until I got here and realized that it's exactly what I'm needing right now so that I can follow Christ with all my Heart and hear His plans for my life instead of making my own.

Week 1

2008-06-18T16:19:00.000-05:00

This week is our first week of real camp. Last week we had Camp Achieve (day camp for mentally handicapped adults, mostly from Souix Falls) M-W and day camp for 1st and 2nd grades R/F.
Today we finished 3rd grade camp which started Monday and started 4th grade camp. The kids are all cute of course and fun to play with... especially because I can beat them ;) Last night I led my first campfire with Nathan Hofer who is from, surprise! South Dakota. He's crazy and I think we did a pretty good job. I was kind of nervous because I don't like to talk in front of people but we did well. And because I was on campfire last night, I get personal time today!! right now :)
I'm getting better at frisbee. :) I can throw more than just the traditional throw and it makes me happy... though they all still need practice.
I'm also getting to know the staff really well and they are all really fun. There are 11 of us that are full time summer staff and 2 kitchen staff/counselors (they can't be staff because they aren't old enough) and then different people counsel each week.
Oh yeah... my hair is black now. :) It's fun.
I went kayaking for an hour the other night a couple weeks ago and that was a lot of fun and Saturday or Sunday night I watched the sunset over the lake from the swimming area... it's beautiful!

Emails

2008-06-18T16:09:00.000-05:00

May 28
Hello all! I am emailing to let you know that I made it safely to camp without any car problems! :D Today was the first day of doing stuff. We are just getting the camp ready for the summer. The food here is wonderful! As is the landscape. It's lovely here and the people are amazing. It's shaping up to be a great summer! :D Not much has happened, but I'll try and write more at a later date. Hope you all are doing well.

June 7
Hello again to everyone. I thought I'd write again since I know more of what my job entails. :) For those of you that don't know, I'm at Swan Lake Christian Camp in Viborg, SD. So far we have been doing a LOT of work on the camp and getting it ready for the summer season. There has been SO many projects to work on. On Thursday we started our first camp of the summer which we are in the middle of: Camp Achieve, which is our day-camp for adults with developmental disabilities. One group camp on thursday and friday and we have the weekend semi-off and another group comes monday, tuesday and wednesday. This weekend we have a huge marathon going on and have spent quite a bit of time getting ready for it.... we get to wake up at 5 am tomorrow morning to start working the marathon. Today I got to work in the kitchen for the morning. I made strawberry-rhubarb squares for dessert tonight and cranberry ribbon coffee cake for tomorrow. it was a lot of fun, but I don't think I'd want to do it on a daily basis. :) Since working this morning I've been able to just do whatever... though that just meant I was in the staff lounge all afternoon watching That 70s Show and now House. :) The strawberry-rhubarb squares were delicious by the way :D.
I've had a couple of bad days here, but they are clearing up for now. I'm slowly figuring out what I need to stay mentally and emotionally stable. The things that are important to me and the things I need to do for myself. So far the summer is turning out great!
Last week some of the staffers decided it would be fun to put up a rope swing into the lake. It was a great idea and has so far has been a lot of fun! Last night we played ultimate frisbee for 3 hours!! Then jumped in the lake once and it felt amazing, especially since the lake is a lot higher (it's over the dock!) right now. There were a couple of injuries from the game though, so that's no good. One guy hurt his knee and the other his hand... but we think it will all heal on it's own.
Next week after camp achieve we have a couple of days of day camp for kids under 3rd grade and then we start up the real camps with 3rd and 4th grade the following monday!!